Author Topic: Spiders! by Abbacor  (Read 411 times)

Offline teanndaorsa

  • Administrator
  • Bondage Master
  • *****
  • Posts: 530
Spiders! by Abbacor
« on: March 28, 2020, 01:32:00 PM »
You can view the story here on the plaza:

https://www.mummified.net/storiessz/spiders.html
Other-f; mum; spider; silk; sticky; cocoon; cons; reluct; X

Please feel free to leave your kind comments and feedback about this story here.

Thanks  ;)

Offline Tigerstretch

  • Loosely Tied
  • **
  • Posts: 99
    • Patreon
Re: Spiders! by Abbacor
« Reply #1 on: March 29, 2020, 04:46:00 AM »
I just finished reading it. It was a good read, quite different. I appreciated it.

I liked how you did the journal mixed with the story. You used past tense for the journal and present tense for the story. It takes quite a bit of focus and skills to master the two tenses.

I may have two small comments:

I thought it was heavy to read. After taking a closer look, I would have added more commas, or perhaps used shorter sentences. (I'm a new writer, so maybe its just me)

Also, my geography is pretty good. The 5th line rang an alarm inside my brain.

“The southern end of Peru, northern Bolivia, or far eastern Brazil to be specific sir.”

Is it possible that you meant western Brazil instead? Else it would not be very specific. :)
Tigerstretch
Support me on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/tigerstretch

 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk