Plaza Forum

Mummification => Mummified Stories feedback => Topic started by: teanndaorsa on March 28, 2020, 01:32:00 PM

Title: Spiders! by Abbacor
Post by: teanndaorsa on March 28, 2020, 01:32:00 PM
You can view the story here on the plaza:

https://www.mummified.net/storiessz/spiders.html
Other-f; mum; spider; silk; sticky; cocoon; cons; reluct; X

Please feel free to leave your kind comments and feedback about this story here.

Thanks  ;)
Title: Re: Spiders! by Abbacor
Post by: Tigerstretch on March 29, 2020, 04:46:00 AM
I just finished reading it. It was a good read, quite different. I appreciated it.

I liked how you did the journal mixed with the story. You used past tense for the journal and present tense for the story. It takes quite a bit of focus and skills to master the two tenses.

I may have two small comments:

I thought it was heavy to read. After taking a closer look, I would have added more commas, or perhaps used shorter sentences. (I'm a new writer, so maybe its just me)

Also, my geography is pretty good. The 5th line rang an alarm inside my brain.

“The southern end of Peru, northern Bolivia, or far eastern Brazil to be specific sir.”

Is it possible that you meant western Brazil instead? Else it would not be very specific. :)