Being Kinky-is it all down to DNA?

[Gabrielle]

This link is to The Huffington Post. i hope you find it as interesting as i did.

When you read popular kinky novels, you get the impression that being kinky is a choice you make as an adult. The protagonist reads a book, sees a movie, or meets that one certain kinky yin to their vanilla yang, and their entire sexual identity shifts. That's how it happened in Nine and a Half Weeks. It even happened that way in Story of O. You meet someone else, and before you know it, you fall into a pit of lust and do stuff you never even dreamed of doing before... read more. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-gloria-brame/growing-up-kinky_b_6753806.html

Gabrielle

[Daffy Duck]

Hi Gabrielle,

An interesting question.

I think it was when I spoke to all the sexy girls on the Plaza.

Poor, sweet, innocent, Daffy

[64Fordman]

Thank you for the link Gabrielle,

I agree with the author, kinky is definitely a sexual preference. I have always been suspicious of the theory that an external stimulus creates desire. Though we often make the connection between watching a TV show and an interest in bondage for example, I believe the interest was always there and the image acted as a catalyst to bring that interest from the unconscious to the conscious mind.

I also believe everyone has some level of kink, and that many people don't need to participate to be interested. I have no doubt the population of eighteenth century villages increased nine months after a young woman was punished in the stocks.

I do have a problem with films like the one mentioned in the article. Rather than finding ones soulmate they are presented like vampire movies where a character (the man) uses his wealth and good looks like some hypnotic power to lure his victim (the woman) into a situation that he manipulates until she is forced to escape the relationship.

When self-help shows I have watched present BDSM topics, the experts that host them use domestic violence as examples of dominant-submissive relationships. I remember an episode of Phil Donohue in the 1980's as being the only time real partners explained to the audience that the partner acting as the submissive is 100% in charge.

We the kinky people can only hope that society continues advancing from the gains made in same-sex couples toward the acceptance of all sexual preference.

[TeaSer]

While I very much agree with 64Fordman I'm a bit uncertain on my desire for a general acceptance of BDSM. For me some of the temptation really is 'being bad'. That I dwelve in forbidden lust.

This does not, however, mean that rape or something similar gives me greater pleasure than consensual BDSM. (Well - actually I don't know. I never was involved in rape. But I don't expect this is the case.) I just like to indulge in something that most people find obscene.

This rationale started long before the internet as a part of my sexual development. So that way I assume it confirms the DNA hypotesis.


TeaSer

[64Fordman]

I understand TeaSer, by acceptance I did not mean to suggest that kink would become the new vanilla, merely that if we do choose to share our interest it would be acknowledged as just another component of human sexuality and not an ailment requiring psychiatric evaluation.

[ElectroPainLover]

I have to agree and say that the lust for Bondage (whether solo or by someone else or the need to dominate or submit to another) is by all means a sexual preference. Just as I believe that homosexuality (for most) is a product of DNA and is not merely a way of thinking.

My first realization of my desires to be tied started way too early for it to have been a learned desire. Seeing people bound brought on reactions in by body way before my body even knew what the reactions were. I know now I was trying to get my first erection at the time but my body didn't know how to do it. I was about 7 years old at the time. I started playing with bondage at about 9. I didn't have enough exposure to bondage, or regular sex for that matter, to have learned it.

I do remember my first erection, and it happened when some of the kids on our block were playing around and we found a fairly long length of wire. There was a two-rail wooden fence separating one of my friends house from another with bushes big enough to hide in along the fence. We took turns tying each other up by putting our arms over the bottom rail of the fence and having our hands tied in front of us using the wire, then having it looped around our arms and twisted together, out of reach of our hands. Everybody wanted out very quickly and said they didn't like it. When it came to my turn, I was tied by Joleen; a hot read-head a year ahead of me in school. She tied me quite securely and there was absolutely no way to get free without help. My friends were amazed when I stayed tied up for over two-hours and wondered why I wasn't wanting released quickly after being tied. I had an erection that pretty much lasted the whole time I was tied, but, had no idea what I was supposed to do with it, and, even if I did, I could not get my hands down to it. I had never been exposed to bondage or anyone that practiced it at that time, but, I was excited by the feel of being totally helpless and having to rely on someone else to release me.

Nobody could ever convince me that my desire to be tied up and dominated was a learned desire and not how my brain is wired when it comes to sexual preferences.

Dana -- EPL

[Arkane]

my bdsm desires started before I was 6 years old. So I could believe it was in my DNA.
Still, psychoanalysis says your personality is formed and influenced right in these first years. So I don't know what to think about it.

[Daffy Duck]

Nature or nurture is an age old question.

Perhaps a bit of both ?

Not sure about there being a DNA link though. I don't think the rest of my family share this interest. But maybe they are logged on under aliases too !

Daffy

[ElectroPainLover]

my bdsm desires started before I was 6 years old. So I could believe it was in my DNA.

Hi Arkane,

That's what I am talking about. If a person has never tried a certain food...how can they know if they like it or not?. I was never exposed to bondage other than what I saw on TV and that was not very often. Would someone know if they liked beef stew by someone eating it on TV? Not really.

As for my electric train transformer...I never seen anything like that on TV. The first time I had ever been introduced to electric torture was in Lethal Weapon long after I experimented and found out I liked it.

I was never exposed to any kind of bondage before I knew I liked it.

Dana -- EPL

[Daffy Duck]

"BDSM desires started before I was 6 years old" could well be the result of parents' spanking ?

I was smacked as a toddler, long before age 6, and hence before I can remember. But just because it is before I can remember, does not necessarily mean it is in my DNA. It could just mean I cannot remember when I first liked it.

My magazine fetish started around age 4. I have no idea why.

But I don't think there is a magazine fetish gene in my DNA.  Nor a polythene one.  I just liked what I experienced.

Daffy

[Arkane]

"BDSM desires started before I was 6 years old" could well be the result of parents' spanking ?

not that I remember.
Anyway maybe it's all in the relationship with one's parents.
No one is sure about DNA.

We just don't know yet.

[ElectroPainLover]

No one is sure about DNA.

We just don't know yet.

You are correct about how little we know about DNA. However, scientists have found markers in DNA which may make someone more at risk for breast cancer (Angelina Jolle, for example, had hers tested and had her breasts removed based on the results).

I know they are making great strides on deciphering our DNA. There are just too many markers, in the trillions, to have mapped since scientists started in 1980's. The speed of our computers help out much more today, but there are also a lot of steps to scientifically prove or disprove each one as to what each marker does or doesn't do. And I doubt that scientist are too focused specifically on the BDSM markers at this point. They are, however, trying to prove homosexuality is linked to certain DNA markers.

As the middle child with an older brother and a younger sister, we had the exact same upbringing, however, my brother died from using heroine, he was an alcoholic; as was my father; and my sister was an alcoholic and a user of meth. I haven't used anything stronger than pot which I was 11 when I smoked my last joint. My brother started me using it at 9. I am really putting on a heavy drinking episode if I have 3 beers in one night. Why, did I not use and become addicted to drugs and alcohol as my siblings? We were raised exactly the same.

Also, I hated getting spanked by my parents. We would try to find crap to shove down the back of our pants when we were sent to our rooms and Mom said she would be in there soon. She would notice "Cat in the Hat" right away however, and my favorite cat could not help me. I am not sure if I would like it today, as I have not had a partner that was into my kinks and have not had the opportunity to be tested. But, again, I tested electrical shock for sexual gratification out at a young age (though I didn't know it was actually for sexual gratification, I just knew it gave me a strange sensation and I liked it) and practice it today with great enjoyment. My spankings as a child were not administered while bound, but who knows, maybe if they were I would have liked them more...I don't know. What I do know is that when Mom would take us to the grocery store, I would ask to stay out in the car, and while they were in there, I would tie myself up using the backseat seat belts. I wanted to be tied when and where there was an opportunity.

Just my feelings however. I could be wrong (been there many times) or I could be correct. Only time and scientific testing of DNA will tell.

Dana -- EPL

I don't know, as it has yet to be proven, but I believe it has to do with genetic make-up,

[Daffy Duck]

Hi Dana,

Thanks for sharing.

Truly sorry to hear about your father and siblings. As the say, you cannot choose your family.

I don't know much about electric shocks. As a child I got a few off the model train set, and as an adult, I got a few from 110V lighting circuits. None of which I enjoyed. But it takes all sorts. Some employment does involve live working on 25kV and 264kV, basically, the person does not earth himself. If you are tempted to increase the voltage etc., like an addict does with drugs, just remember to play safe and live to play another day.  There are a lot of kinks out there that can kill or harm.

Concerned,

Daffy

[ElectroPainLover]

Hi Daffy,

Thanks for the empathy in regards to my family. Luckily my father was a very nice alcoholic and did not get physical and abusive. He just drove my parents marriage apart due to giving a lot of his paycheck to his favorite bars. As I said, my brother died as the result of using too much cocaine and heroine throughout his short (32 years) life. My sister, on the other hand, is in her 9th year of sobriety and going to school to become an RN. She really turned her life around.

As for my electrical play. I use tens/ems units which are primarily safe and use higher voltages with very low amperage. Amps are the dangerous part of electricity. That's how police are able to drop a suspect using a Taser rated at 50Kv, but the amperage is rated by milliamps. Usually in the 10 to 15 milliamp range. As long as a person does not exceed 5 milliamps across the heart, they are safe. Tens/ems units are much lower in voltage than a Taser, or else, I would be in huge trouble when it came to trying to free myself. But they are very low in amperage. I actually enjoy the feeling of the standard house current of 115 volts...but it generally has 15 amps, and having that go up one arm and down the other can easily put more than 5 milliamps (6 being lethal) across the heart. Generally you need a transformer that can change AC into DC which allows the voltage to be raised and the amperage to be lowered.

As for electrical linemen that work on high voltage carrier lines, they actually charge themselves to the rating of the line they are working on. God save them if they become grounded somehow. They will be cooked from the inside out.

And yes, I am like a drug addict...if I don't get my fix of electricity play often enough, I go through with-drawls. However I do play safe and usually within reason.

Dana -- EPL

[MaxRoper]

Don't know about DNA or whatever but do know my desire for bondage is as old as my memories. I've always considered bondage to be the main component of my sexuality, more so than being heterosexual. While I have no sexual desire for males, I'd rather play bondage games with a man than have non-bondage sex with a female. (Of course my first choice is bondage and sex with an attractive woman, but I digress...)

There's never been a time when I didn't want to tie or be tied. As a kid I lived for tied-up TV heroes and heroines, comic book characters, etc. and was always the instigator of tie-up games. There were two  other neighbor kids who seemed to like it as much as I but the rest just treated it like any other game.

One of those two kids died young but I suspect the other one is still playing (or still dreaming of playing).

Max