Confidence is key

[trash princess]

This isn't an erotica, but more of a sort of testimonial. The first time i walked into the restaurant i work at (on an off day) dressed all pretty. (Names have been changed to preserve the identities of everyone in the story.)



"Are you coming with me when i go to work?" Marian asks as she puts her hair up into a bun.
"I...don't know. Should i?" I ask, looking up at her from my seat on the edge of her bed. I have on a pretty red dress, a Christmas gift she had given me, along with some thick, black pantiehoes. She, on the other hand, is wearing a black taco bell uniform, an outfit i am all too familiar with.
"I think you should do whatever you want. Fuck what Old Man says." She responds, referring to one of our co-workers. "If he says anything to you, I'll punch him."
I laugh at that. Ever the protective big sister. "Exactly the reason I'm so nervous. I don't want you to get yourself fired just for standing up for me."
"I don't care, ain't no-one going to mess with my best friend."
I sigh, thinking. It is quite an internal conflict. On the one hand i want to go with her to our place of work to meet up with my girlfriend. We're planning on going to the mall.
On the other hand...as much as i claim i don't care what others say...these are the people i work with. Will i ever hear the end of it if i do go?
"Look..." Marian says, turning to me. "You gotta make up your mind, are you coming or no?"
I pout a little. "I think imma need someone to pick for me otherwise I'll never decide..."
With that she grabs my hand, pulling me to my feet. "In that case you're coming. Let's go."
I whimper, following along with my heart slamming in my chest.
Maybe i can just tag along but not get out of the car...?

The ride to work is far from quiet as Marian and her grandmother laugh and joke around. Meanwhile my heart is beating even faster. I've decided...I'm not getting out. I'm going to go back to her house with her grandmother where I'll call kitten, my gf, and change the meeting place. Yeah...that's a good idea.
"Damnit..." Marian says as we pass a Wawa, a convenience store common in USA. "I need coffee...grandma, can you and David come back to wawa and bring me a coffee after dropping me off?"
"Well...i guess." Her grandma says, playing like it's the biggest inconvenience in the world.
"Thank you grandma." Marian says as we pull into the parking lot of taco bell. She hops out, turning to me. "You know what to get, right?"
"Yeah, i got you." I say. Marian gives me a thumbs up before closing the door and heading inside to clock in. Her grandma puts the van in reverse and we pull out.

It doesn't take long for me to find her coffee, but the entire time I'm thinking...should I bring it to her? I mean...I'll just be in for a second...not long enough for my co-workers to see...
The coffee is rung up and purchased, and i head for the door, ignoring all the stares i had gotten so used to.
As i climb back into the van it hits me...what am i so afraid of? Old Man? He's all talk. And he's an alright guy...just very strong opinions on femboys like me. I close my eyes as we make our way back. I can do this...just go in, give her the coffee, then...what? Leave? Like a coward? Or stay...god that sounds terrifying. Maybe i can...
Before i finish that thought we've arrived. Marian's grandma makes to get out and i stop her. "It's okay...I'll give it to her." I say.
"Are you sure?" She asks, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah...i mean, it's not like i give a crap what anyone thinks."
She smiles fondly at me. We may not be actual family, but I've gotten close enough that i might as well be. "Good. Your shouldn't." With that, she hands me the stuff and i make my way toward the door.
Every step takes an eternity. What will my co-workers say? Will they keep their mouths shut? Giggle and point from behind the prep line? Openly mock me? The prospect of all of these possibilities is daunting and my hands shake. I freeze as i reach for the door.
I can't do this. I can't face my co-workers...not dressed like this. Sure, they already know. And they've made their negative opinions known. But they've never actually SEEN me like this...
I can't do this...
I don't care what they think.
But i do
You shouldn't.
BUT I DO!!!
You shouldn't let them get to you.
BUT THEY DO!!!
Why?
That question hits me hard. Why do i let them get to me?
Why do i hesitate to be myself when the only people who have a problem are the people that don't even matter to me?
And in that moment, i realize that, just like getting into a chilly pool, i can't just hesitate...i gotta dive right in.
And that's what i do.
I lift my head high, square my shoulders, stand up straight...and throw open the door, strolling right in with all the confidence of a queen entering her castle.
The first face i see is Dan, who's eyes go wide upon seeing me. He, too, knows about my cross dressing ways, never had an opinion on it, but the look on his face shows he was NOT expecting such a ballsey move.
He's the first face i see. Then i see Marian. She smiles at me, a hint of pride as she greets me. "You got it! My god you're a life saver."
I smile back, a powerful feeling flowing through me. That was incredible. The confidence i felt as i walked in as if i owned everyone within...as if no one, not even God himself, could bring me down from this high...that feeling of power...it was infectious.
It felt good to be so confident.
I hand her the coffee, smiling at Dan. "Hey, bud. What's up?"
"...hey...man..." He says still shocked. "How are you doing?"
"Not bad. Just here to make a delivery. And order some food."
Marian looks up at me as i place my order. "For here or to go?" She asks and i don't even hesitate. What reason do i have of going?
"For here."
"I thought so." She smiles, and rings up my order. I head to my seat, walking past the gawking customers. Nothing i haven't seen before. I saunter past them, head held high. As if sensing my confidence they turn away, returning to What they were doing.
Eventually my manager comes up to that counter, wanting to see my outfit. I grin, doing a little curtsy as she looks me over.
"Oh i like that." She says, and i feel a rush of pride again. I did it.
I dove right in and i owned it.
I learned a valuable lesson that day.
Confidence is key.

The end.