This one really is too short for my liking! It's almost like being offered a movie and then getting a picture.
The scene is good! Crazy in the total lack of safety, but still good. Suspension is well kept, but then again, we really don't need to keep it long as the scene is finished in less than 5 minutes.
Quilt: You could easily have developed the scene further - having us wait for the inevitable. With the precise descriptions we really miss details sustaining the emotional build-up.
Still - your text is worth reading and I do hope you will keep writing for us.
TeaSer
