Story Help - Can this story segment be saved?

[Zephyr]

I try hard to write stories with people who at least act normal. I have a situation that while I would like to "go there" in the story it takes me places I am not sure I can recover from. If any of you have thoughts or suggestions on how this might work I would be extremely interested.

Story is a freshman college girl alone at her family summer home gets caught by her equally watching-the-house-by-himself male neighbor who she had a brief fling with several years ago when she was too young to know what she was doing and freaked out by boys. She gets caught doing self-bondage and to buy his silence she becomes his slave girl for the rest of the summer (hell, they both were bored anyway). She has harem slave girl fantasisis and he finds and reads her diary and some of the things they do is acting out along her fantasies, so it's all good. His parents have a dungeon built into what they thought was a secret area in him house's basement that the kids would never find out about (a miserable failure) so they have equipment to play with as well.

This goes well until his older sister catches them. Now they both are older sister's playtoys. Turns out older sister knows all about the basement as she was heavily played with there in time past by her boyfriend, and sister is not afraid to use the equipment on her two helpless victims.

I want to write a scene that is flat-out NC. Older sister leaves female lead tied up naked in the basement dungeon and invites an old boyfriend of the younger girl, another goy who is not a nice person and who got pissed and left her back two years ago basically because she was afraid of getting pregnant and would not put out. Older sister, with brother tied up at the side of the room to witness, leaves old boyfriend to have fun with female lead, with the proviso that among other things he whips her and comes inside her. She obviously freaks out, wanting nothing to do with old boyfriend, much less him seeing her naked and tied up and knowing he most certainly will, along with a lot of other unhappy things f her thoroughly without mercy to get his revenger for her saying no in the past before he is through.

The problem is, how do I dismount from that scene? I am basically getting the female lead graped. You don't do that to a woman (except in horrible circumstances that do not at all exist here) and she just shrugs and goes on. She's hurt, she's defensive, she's curled up into a ball physically and emotionally. She is NOT coming back over the next day ready to see what games are next, which is what is needed from a storyline perspective but just isn't realistic for human beings. Any thoughts?

[jackierabbit1]

The brother/sister thing, even if no actual sex, is a huge turn off for me; I just don't know how you overcome that one element, let alone the others. Parents having a hidden playroom; there would be a bit of "odd" in that too I think, as in how (in the real world) did they expect to hide such things from the children? Generally speaking parents insulate their kids from such elements, and really even their own passions for each other.

Now onto the "forced to watch element," which I find enticing to be honest, especially with my unique background; that part could be woven into a scene with a present love-interest, lots of possibilities there.
 
The last part, the "grape scene," that turns into a straight up reportable crime, not even the pretense of permission there. Inviting somebody over to take advantage of a situation like that is pure evil, nothing fun in that at all. Now that being said, I've gotten close to these elements myself, but some component of consent to get into the scene has to be there first, even if it's then taken in a new direction once the games begin. Imagine the family-bomb fuse the older sister is setting alight here, if the victim is to survive she's going to tell the cops, and her family too (maybe).

 I'd be surprised if her father or even an older brother left any of them alive. Now if they go the legal route instead, the cops are going to show up at the scene of the crime, and they're going to find a bondage room/dungeon, and then likely everybody is going to jail as accessories to the crime. Then the cops are going to look at every unsolved missing person report for the last twenty years... Unless the older sister is a dunce, or actually wanting this to happen, it's just not a plausible scenario.

So, how to fix this? Maybe the boy who caught the teen in self-bondage talks her into doing a scene, making an amateur movie for both of their viewing pleasures, (consent).

Then boy invites somebody else into the scene as a surprise villain, (masked maybe) once victim/playmate is stripped, bound, and gagged, not knowing their history with each other. Maybe even victim/playmate is blindfolded too, and nobody says a word to tip her off. The boys could take turns filming, and obviously take turns with their playmate too, so some element of fun here, until maybe the "let me out part." Maybe though the surprise villain remains unknown, at least until she sees the film they made together later on?

I hope this helps, Jackie.



 

[Zephyr]

Thank you Jackie! Your insight and options are always gratefully receieved. I find your points hard to argue against and probably will drop this thought. Very much appreciated.

[jackierabbit1]

I wish I could show you the list of started and stopped stories that I'm sitting on, currently 88 titles in my drafts section. Some of them drift off into a direction that I just don't like, some are mere concepts with a development paragraph that I can come back to when I want, or amusingly enough somebody posts a story with enough similarities that I don't feel comfortable presenting my own version.

 I'm actually working on one for the trashcan section right now that may go into the "never published" archive on my laptop. It's not something that I've played with in the real world to be honest, but having read a fairly dark story there myself recently I felt inspired to try my own.

Best wishes, Jackie.