Hi Moonwriter,
I liked the setup and the premise.
It felt like the, for lack of a better word, reveal could have been more impactful.
Maybe the problem was the fact that as the story progresses the tempo seems to increase.
The opening was fairly calm introduction into the situation our protagonist finds herself in, which I like.
But then the pace becomes more frentic and I feel that the caused the reveal, for me atleast,to sort of mentally skip over.
(think bump in the road that you are launched over rather than fall into)
Thats not to say I didn't like it, it's just a bit of constructive criticism.
I'm looking forward to reading your next story
P.s. also I am a nut for character development so that also factors in I think