The Shoot by Findar

[le Bouc]

Again, love your story! Especially with the realism of Jessica's justifications and inner monologue interjecting throughout. I just recently got caught up with your recent additions so here's my (hopefully helpful) critiques.

Part 3: Great job relaying the shoot/bondage escalation. I enjoyed how you captured the evolution from the tame beginning up through her 'abduction'. Suspending disbelief that she'd be ok going the full monty in front of near-strangers and not being pissed about her lingerie being cut off, there was something that happened with the scene becoming mechanical in my reading of it. The lead up was still hot but the actions perfunctory, and I would have liked to get a glimpse into the long-ride home, how she was carried into the house, and everything after... 
Part 4: I get what you were going for but it all seemed too rushed (i.e. she wears leg irons, walks a short distance, has them taken off). I think you could have had Don out of town for a day or two on business while Jessica really got some practice at being a submissive without going too far darkly or 'cheating' on her husband. Some phone calls during sessions with Don to assure a sense of normalcy would have been humorous (i.e. trying not to orgasm while carrying on a conversation). I would have like to seen some quality time spent educating Jessica while throwing it back to her initial efforts to emulate Dita von Tesse and Bettie Page. It's a fine line to walk between the art of seduction and sycophant submissive. I think you want her strong but willing, assured but trusting.
Part 5: This seemed like the shortest chapter of the lot so far. The drive home could have featured some additional challenges such as having to drive with hands and ankles cuffed, perhaps a ring gag in as well. To give her some modesty allow for a masquerade mask to drive through traffic. I think you could have played up Jeff's frustrations a bit longer. Again it felt rushed to get him in the door and then get mad. Given that they do love each other there may be some discussion about wants/needs/expectations but I understand the fantasy narrative you're developing of a woman trying to shed her need to control the situation (topping from the bottom).

Part 6?: I'm eagerly looking forward to a possible extended session with Sherrie (at the shop perhaps)! Maybe the two take another trip to the Red Zone too; or Jeff gets invited to a private dungeon lesson where he learns to be a Dom while Jessica learns how a sub is supposed to behave. But I'm getting ahead of myself, the crux of the shoot would be nice for Jeff to have a leather bound photo album of he and his wife/sub's sessions.
Again, I love your work and 'old-school' take on the femme soumise. I may soon pen a story inspired by your magnificent works. And actually, I kinda already had in my first .

Au Revoir,
Le Bouc

[nightgerbil]

read part 1 and 2. very creative, very easy to read. Really enjoyed part 2 with Alice and Sherie two great characters. Almost expected to see Jessica wearing that locking corset or a variation of it home.

[teanndaorsa]

Part 6 up tonight to close out this one, enjoy!

[le Bouc]

Findar,

Here are my comments/critiques. I hope you find them useful as I really enjoy your works.

Really liked chapter 6! It was nice seeing the familiarity between the characters as the story played out. It was a good conclusion with some scandalous interactions going towards the end.

I would say however, this is the one instance where I think you could have used more chapters (about 8 or 9 total) to get Jessica more developed into a submissive. I liked your allusion to her subspace but thought it could have been stretched and pushed further. Per my other post, the storyline seemed a bit rushed and I didn't quite buy her switching off Jessica and becoming Dita so quickly.

Another issue is the divergence in the story where Chapters 1-3 start strong in a rope bondage fetish, yet 4-6 move into "how to make a submissive" and rubberdoll/bondage fetish. I was hoping for a more Dames-and-Molls feel and action (i.e. 1950's glam role-play) after the first three chapters and definitely more education for Jeff in tying, rope, knots, and suspension. Chapters 4-6 could have been an entirely new story based on how different it was from your starting point (pinups in predicaments).

Lastly, we never get Jeff's gratification on receiving the photos from Jessica's sessions! I like to think they would have shown up at his work while she was out of town, leaving him to lust after her until she arrived home in a hot getup and was ravished by Jeff.

Looking forward to your next story!

Au Revior,
Le Bouc

[thepinkbishop]

Really enjoyed this. Well done. Loved Jessica's inner voices. The ending was an interesting and slightly surprising compromise on her part.