Chain by Budman

[feline]

Up to chapter 30 now.  As the author suggested, this is getting harsher, but it is being done, in general, in a careful and loving way that is really nice.

I almost feel like I should be risking whiplash watching Fred jump back and forward between being really gentle and loving, and a complete sadist   Yet this thought misses the whole point of this, his sadism is in large part coming from his love and devotion.  He is learning and discovering a whole new way of being, and of treating his love, since this is what she wants and needs from him.  Yes, clearly he is getting quite a lot from this, and he is enjoying the power and control, but he is also clearly aware of and sensitive to the responsibilities that come with this, the need to learn, to check in, to be sensible and aware of things.

He is trying, and over all doing a very good job, of balancing sadism with sensible and necessary care.

One of the things that really does make me smile is their very different views and expectations on what makes Clair look sexy, or on what her being a good girl looks like.  As a captive slave destined to be punished, giving a blowjob hardly counts as that much of a good girl, just basic slave behaviour   The high heals while walking with the horse, another place where they have very different views.  Or the extreme makeup.  They definitely end up with quite different thoughts and perspectives, which is important, since it gives us the two sides that are required to make the whole here

[johnyburner]

Amazing chapter 31! Harsh, evil, but also romantic, in a very BDSM way. We finally saw what it took to break Clair.

I loved the reference to NuWest. I see you are a man of culture as well! And I do believe you managed to convey the sensuality that their ritualistic whippings had.

The description was great and really built up to the climax. A great job, in all honesty.

I understand the story revolves more around Jill, but I hope we'll see more of these two love birds.

[Budman0_0]

Thanks for all the feedback.  I realize that scenes this harsh are not everyone's cup of tea.  Rest assured that this is about the harshest scene I've written out of 45 or so Chapters.

And johnyburner - actually I pretty much finished up Jill and Bob's story line.  Oh, they will appear again as secondary Clair's parents, but from here on the story switches to Clair and Fred and some new friends they meet in College.

[feline]

Chapter 31 is indeed harsh, but very well done.  Fred reacting in anger when he is trying to be sensible and properly care for his girlfriend feels very real and believable.  Also he is adult enough and wise enough to see and understand that this is wrong, and it is a path he must not walk down.

Clair comes across as almost wilfully ignorant of what she is getting into, but again very believable and real.  I am certainly familiar with this view that they can take everything, so safety measures are for other people.  This brutal experience should finally show her how serious all of this can be, and thus the need to be sensible and careful is actually very real and important!

[T.H.]

Feedback part 28 included.

I started the story, discovered I wasn't in the right mood and decided to restart later. That later was thus yesterday
I binged the story. That's a good sign. I'm not a native speaker, so my feedback will be riddled with mistakes.

I started at part 1, skipping the introduction this time. This experience was just fine. I would advise to look into the introduction and work necessary bits of info into the body of your story. Show, don't tell.

If I had to describe this story to a friend I would describe it as part bdsm-fairytale, part bondage/incarceration/torture porn part coming of age story.
The good thing: a lot of hot scenes all over the place.
The bad thing: It's quite obvious to me that for a good part you chased the curve, feeling the need to always increase the intensity of the sessions.

And that's kind of logic. Because you placed the action into a particular liberal town and you made everybody and literally their grandma BDSM-affictionado's you eliminated most of the potential for conflict that could drive your story. Evrybody is immediatly onboard or grows into the place almost frictionless. Because everything allways goes so smooth I only feel a lukewarm attachement to the protagonists.

So most of the progression in the story has to come from chasing the curve and ramping up the intensity in some way. By going more extreme in Bondage and incarceration and introducing more elements of sadism/masochism and humiliation.

All in all... I would say about 14/20 on the European academic scale. Very solid, delivers on its strong points, but with a bit of tweaking, a tiny modicum of conflict and drama to get the readers really rooting for, especially Clair more would be possible.

[T.H.]

Read parts 29-31.

Just for the record. Harder means harder, not better.
We left the range of severity I personally find arousing some parts ago.
If it's just more curve-chasing from now on, I've really read enough.

[Budman0_0]

T.H.
14.  If I'm converting that right, that would be a 70/100 or a C- on the U.S. Academic Scale.  That's passing (barely) so I'll take it.
Personally I hate 'conflict' so, although I recognize it may make for interesting plot devices, you'll probably never see me include it.

Don't give up on reading just yet.  I've written up to about chapter 40 (The site is releasing one per week) and 29-31 are by far the "hardest" of them all.  I tone down quite a bit in the next 10 chapters because I introduce some new, more novice friends that Clair and Fred meet.  And being new, they don't play quite as hard.  But I am exploring more forms of bondage including mummification, 2 girl predicaments, etc.

Thanks for the feedback.  I appreciate the thought and effort you put into your comments.

[Budman0_0]

Darn, I hate it when I find a continuity mistake in a story AFTER it's published.
See of you can spot it in chapter 34.  It involves a vibrator.

[johnyburner]

Not sure if you mean the mistake of a vibrator misteriously appearing out of thin air, or a certain Bob misteriously appearing in the action for just a couple of frames.

Good chapter though (I only noticed Mr. Bob myself, the other is a bit more subtle). I think I'm starting to see how the story branches out, and I'm looking forward to it. I just hope that there's not a litany of new characters that will need me to make a cheat-list on the side. I also enjoyed the harsh bondage. It didn't come from nowhere. It came from two people finding their limits in a consentual and loving relationship. It wasn't just torture porn, like it happens in many other stories, it came from love and understanding, and that journey was enjoyable to read. But now I wish to see something in the same vein, but with Fred and Clair already aware of their limits and desires and so, being able to play hard not in a discovery fashion, but as a more every-day kind of bondage play. Well, maybe every-other-other-day, so she can have time to recover!

[feline]

Up to chapter 34 now, the marriage and getting space together made sense, and the mechanics of the different generations of the family working out how to share the available space at the farm is fun, but nothing to massively exciting there.  But important steps moving us forward with these characters and where they are going with their lives.

But chapter 34 though, the part that really caught my eye was at the start, where we learn that Fred is taking a course explaining how, and teaching how, to run psychology experiments on human subjects, and he has a lab partner!  I really do hope that this means we can explore some of the more mental aspects of all of this with Clair, rather than "just" focussing on increasingly harsh physical bondage and punishment.

The living arrangements making that hard helps to push them in a new direction, to try something a bit different, so I am hoping that this is something the story is going to explore.  I am OK with how things have gone so far, but we are going to reach a point soon where it is going to be hard to increate the physical pain element on Clair without really getting extreme, or more extreme, depending on your point of view.

Instead introducing Regina, and her hyperactive nature adds an interesting new dynamic and direction for this

[feline]

Chapter 35, a nice change of pace and direction, and a fun read.  I am looking forward to seeing how all of this works and develops!  Seeing the care and attention to detail that is taking place here to make the experience safe and well monitored for Clair is very reassuring and good.

Regina really is growing into quite the little helper here with all of these games isn't she?  The level of her growing interest is quite clear, which is fun and interesting.

Near the end when Fred is explaining that he and Clair never discussed her giving Regina pleasure, and Clair doesn't remember being part of the conversation, that really made me smile.  That is clearly a conversation the two of them need to have, so they end up properly on the same page here, since keeping Regina happy and involved is clearly good for them and their games

[feline]

Chapter 36, I love the wickedness of this!  Really mean, but done very well.  Well described, well told, and it is interesting to see the different perspectives on this, the different people bringing different things to the experience Clair is getting.

Getting her so confused works well, since it adds a great deal to the experience.  Showing the panic attack is good, since it shows both how intense all of this is for Clair, but also how well the situation is being handled and taken care of, so she is not left alone to face this on her own.

The ending was a surprise, even though Regina's growing interest in all of this has been quite clear for a while now.  Certainly looking forward to seeing where you go with all of this from here.

[feline]

Chapter 37, I am tempted to comment about throwing Regina in at the deep end, but actually, things are going well and working well.  There is a fair bit of head fucking on the loose here, but it is fun, sexy, and interesting.  I do like how Clair and Fred are working out the new boundaries of their relationship and seeing where things are going to go from here for them.

Regina is definitely going to be pushed quite a bit here, but at the same time, how else is she going to see and find out what she really wants and enjoys.  I could not help a mixture of a wince and a tired eye roll at Regina's complete lack of understanding at first of the importance of proper limits, and just how crazy the amount of leeway she was leaving her captors with, leaving herself well open to things that she actually really doesn't want.  Seen that happen far to many times, and it is a lesson that keeps having to be repeated and explained again and again

[teanndaorsa]

A return to our kinky town this evening, with more chapters to come, enjoy!

[teanndaorsa]

Chapter 45 up tonight, crucification complete!