Chain by Budman

[Redhead]

Great story and I have enjoyed all the chapters to date.

I think Chapter 13 is my favorite one.

Can we please get Jill in some heavy bondage? Some whip marks would be amazing as well.   

[feline]

Loving part 13, really fun idea.  The profit sharing and way to motivate the employees is very interesting, and fits into the whole town and its spirit very well.

I am especially interested to see how many of the features of the cage she might be interested in ordering...  cost isn't an issue, so she would be free to go all out if she wanted...  and the chastity device would fit in with some of her games and interests rather well.  As for the whole and having to service people, well, no reason for her husband to be denied while she is locked up, but will anyone else want or need to know what is going on here?  It almost seems to good of an opportunity for others not to know about this, or maybe she should just consider visiting here occasionally, to, you know, help out on quiet days?  *evil smirk*

[feline]

chain part 14

Of course she wants them to check out the basement and quote for the cell! *giggles*  Oooh, the rail, the lock, the safety connections to the other house systems, this all fits in very well and makes a great deal of sense, I like this

The husband is so lovely and supportive, this is one of the aspects that I really do enjoy about all of this   And I find that I totally agree with his concern and point that she cannot / should not be locked into her new cell without someone around to keep watch and supervise her...  of course, there is a rather obvious solution to this problem isn't there, especially with her recently discovered and growing interest in lesbian aspects of all of this...  especially since lesbian activities aren't always considered to be cheating...  interested to see where this is going, but given all of the spending on the cell and the extras, surely it is going to get more use than just a bit?!

[feline]

Part 15, a very interesting insight into how things work at the metal shop, and also a surprising introduction to a new side of Jill's sexuality, which clearly comes as quite a surprise to her as well   This is down right wicked and evil, but also very carefully managed and done.  The side conversation about different people having different kinks works well, and it is good to show the general open attitude, and the point that it is important to explain and educate.

Watching Jill start to realise and get into what dealing with a brat entails is very entertaining

The whole emotional breakdown about Jill cheating feels almost odd, but on reflection, I think it is just a reminder that in a lot of ways she is still very sheltered and innocent.  Saying that, that is NOT to say that she should keep what has happened a secret, but I don't see how it counts as cheating.  But it does open up a new set of conversations with her husband, and it is very important to see the strength of their communication and commitment to each other, especially since there are hints about another woman getting involved with keeping Jill in her cell when her husband is away... or so I like to hope anyway

[feline]

Part 16, I really enjoyed all the little details about the construction, how well it is put together, rounding off the bolts so they would have to be cut off, not just released, etc.  Fun, sexy, enjoyable and setting up such a wonderful situation.  All of the sensors that can be added and programmed, so much can be organised and done here to make her stays in the cell so much more interactive...

Yet, at the same time, such a bloody tease, since the chapter heading said "Jill and Bob solve the problem of his being out of town so much. Enjoy." yet this didn't happen!  Still, combine this heading with Helen looking for a new job, and how well Helen handles Jill in the cell, and her evil, creative mind, I do hope this is going to come together to produce something wonderful soon!

[desquared2290]

Just read chapter 16.  Enjoying the stories as they develop and as the characters develop too.  I am eagerly waiting for the next chapters.  Thanks for the work Budman

[Budman0_0]

feline, Redhead, Duncan, deSquared,

I haven't had time to respond to each of your most kind posts but I did want you to know that I am reading them and that I really appreciate the time you take to provide feedback.

Not to do too many spoilers - but things will get a bit more intense Redhead, especially when the story turns to Daughter Clair as she passes 18 and follows in her mother's footsteps.

I'm glad you appreciate the detail feline, I sometimes worry that I'm focusing too much on that stuff and not enough on "action."

Thanks again and keep the feedback, suggestions and critiques coming.

[feline]

Yay, you are noticing comments   Almost sounds silly, but some authors don't seem to notice or care about comments.

Just finished part 17, really pleased to see this!  I would not call this sexy, but it is very fun and good plot building.  This is the sort of background and setting up that we need to make sense of things, and where they are going.  It show important details about how their relationship works, the trust, what Jill wants and needs, and what they are open to happening going forward with this new household helper.  It is all about setting up good things for what is going to follow and to come next

His generosity in ordering all of these new and extra toys for Jill also speaks volumes both for his love for his wife, but also his commitment, both in money terms and in terms of investing time and energy in making her happy.  This is good both for their lives together, but also for encouraging Helen that she is being asked to work for a good family, and will be moving towards a good situation and environment.

Looking forward to more fun and games

[desquared2290]

Just finished chapter 17. Based on that setup, I expect the next several chapters will be rather entertaining with Bill, Jill, and Helen as Jill-Keeper.  Who knows what will happen if Clair comes back home for a weekend or two.  It's to the point that I'm now checking Gromethsplaza every day to see if new chapters are being posted

[Budman0_0]

feline,

I love comments and feedback!  I wish there was more.

I always try to comment on stories I read at the Plaza.  What I hate are authors that get defensive when you make comments.  I fully realize that all of our kinks are different - what we each find sexy or stimulating in a story is different - and so I always try to be constructive in my comments and try hard to never say that old BDSM Forum bugaboo: "You're doing it wrong!" :-).  And by the way - I appreciate that you, Redhead and desquared all post very constructive comments.
But it amazes me how many times I've made what I thought was a very nice comment, with a few suggestions, on someone's story and been blasted back like I'd told them they were the worst author since John Norman. LOL.

And I appreciate suggestions, corrections, etc.  I'm horrible at getting names confused.  I frequently discover on editing that I've mixed up Jill with Clair with Jenny with Jerri, with . . . .  It gets worse as the series goes on and I introduce more characters.  And then I'm bad about other consistency issues, like when did Clair turn 18?  And was it Jerri or Jenny that was in the cell last month?  Every time I go back and re-read a story I find errors and it drives me crazy.  So although I can't easily fix them once published, I can fix my copies if you find something.

[feline]

Part 18 is up, and it is more of a house keeping part than raw sexiness, but it is very important for all of that.  We do need to know the rules, expectations and aims of Jill's keeper.  Indeed, Jill does seem to think she has a new best friend ever, for sleep overs and girly chats, rather than someone who is going to put her into her place and firmly keep her there...  so the next week is going to be a very interesting, painful and distracting time for her!  Plus, with her husband away for several days, no orgasms allowed *evil smirk*

It is good to see where the responsibility for Jill having an unauthorised orgasm lies, as it should *smirk*

If I were to make one comment on the technical side of your writing, it would be to pay a bit more attention to the double quotes that indicate when someone is speaking.  You are prone to leaving some of these out, so it makes it that bit more difficult to read the story as intended, to know what is spoken and what isn't.  You can work it out from context, but since you are interested in feedback I thought I would mention it.  It doesn't spoil the story, which I am clearly very much enjoying, but it is something that could help without hopefully being to much trouble.

[Budman0_0]

feline,

Thanks for the feedback.  I didn't realize I missed some quotes.  I'm really bad a proof reading - every single time I re-read a story I find more stuff I need to fix.  And that includes AFTER they have been put on the site :-(.  And I DO proof read them AND use MS Word's spell and grammar checkers - but as we all know, they don't always catch mis-used worlds or missing quotes.

You're right on Chapter 18.  A previous reviewer criticized on of my early chapters for containing a numbered list of "rules" and suggested I put that stuff into the context of the story.  I tried to do that a bit more here but I'm still an engineer at heart and I fall into writing "documentation" all too easily :-).

[greyjoy]

Wow, this story is getting hotter and hotter!
Denial is my kink, so this is *my shit*
I love how enthusiastic you’ve made Jill for her own suffering; this fucked up scenario is truly a co-creation of perverted minds!
Also, as a dyke, we love to see it

[feline]

Part 19 is now posted, and this is a lot of fun!  I really do like the "intelligence" of Jill when she points out that Helen can be her friend as well as her jailor, since she is giving her, her friend, what she wants and needs.  Getting Clair on the call with Helen was quite the surprise though!

Actually very logical and sensible, and yes, clearly something that needs to be done and to happen, for the safety and keeping everyone in the loop, but still, it goes against the common approach of keeping everything "naughty" a closely guarded secret.  Even accepting and seeing the need for the call, I was still shocked and stunned, and definitely delighted, when Clair made it clear just how much she was there to help and support Helen, and that Helen really had her work cut out for her when dealing with her mother!!!  Priceless!  Talk about a daughter who has finally and fully come to terms with the reality of her parents relationship, how much kink matters, and how much it is going to be taking a major and ongoing place in her life as well *smirk*

I am very curious as to what new project the materials are for, but we will hopefully find out soon enough.  The teasing and training has already started, this is going to be so much fun! *evil smirks*

[Budman0_0]

Greyjoy,
Glad you're enjoying it.  As a straight guy I'd be interested in your feedback on these and future Ff scenes.  Where sex and bondage is concerned, I normally write what I know - but in these scenes I'm definitely going with my imagination and what I've seen in porn, not first hand knowledge.  And we all know how accurate porn is :-).

Feline,
Thanks as always for your detailed and thoughtful comments and analysis.
As you've probably figured out - a major theme I'm exploring in the first 30 or so chapters is: What would a normal, American, suburban family, that also just happens to embrace sex and Kink, look like.
I have no interest in Incest or anything close - you'll never find Bob and Clair playing - and you may have Clair involved in being a safety net or even helping Bob with some tasks related to Clair, but you'll never have Clair and Jill (or Clair and her Grandmother in future chapters) actively playing with each other.  Those activities would not fit into their family ethics.
Yea, the comment about the grandmother is a teaser :-).  She has appeared once in a phone call - but she's about to become a more major character as I also start exploring what Kink looks like for the elderly (since I are one!)