I think people probably overthink the difference between male and female. People are basically people. Women just have a couple of different things they need to worry about. There is one huge gulf in thinking, and that's pregnancy. For a man, a pregnancy situation might be a financial burden, a stressful responsibility, a cause for celebration, or perhaps, no big deal. For a woman, it could completely transform her entire life, permanently, and it is always a big deal. That said, some people are oblivious to pretty much anything, and that's not limited by gender at all.
Apart from the big difference, the same emotions and reasoning applies to all humans, except the insane, and even they follow much the same logic, but with some critical breakage.
Sure, different people are more or less empathic, happy, angry, violent, etc., but these are not things decided by gender so much as basic personality.
How they are expressed certainly varies, but that's a result of cultural filters that differ as much from place to place, time to time and class to class as through gender. If you're writing historical, or sci-fi, those things are going to be different to how they are today.
If you're writing erotic stories though, there are genre rules.
If you want your BDSM females to be "in genre", they are pretty much always fierce dominants, vengeful wives intent on sissifying their husbands, or nymphomaniac submissives. There must be other tropes, but most stories have one of those three, with "reluctant and miserable captive, desperate to escape" following up the rear somewhere. I guess I could come up with a better list, but this covers most stories I think.
For males, the tropes are different, some match the female tropes like jigsaw pieces: willing gimp, good master, bad master, unwitting sissy, but occasionally we see "genuine partner guy" who is on an even footing with a "genuine partner gal"; these two will take it in turns, probably alternating scenes, it's that obvious - but these stories always seem to be male protagonist tales. I can't, off-hand, think of an even partner story with a female protagonist (there must be some, but I'm guessing not many).
Bad master clearly contains a bit more range than its opposite. The bad guys range from merely overbearing, to psychopathic kidnappers that cut off people's limbs and make them drown in shit. Fierce dominant woman is pretty much the mirror image here. A lot of these "bad" characters could easily be gender swapped, you wouldn't know.
The good guys have much less range. The main difference is usually in the females paired with him, are they going to be "slaves for life", or are they in a more equitable scenario? In either case, the patriarchal good master has their interests at heart and gives them what they need, not what they want. What a nice guy! Good master's female equivalent is rarely seen. Very rarely seen I think. It's almost always the case that when a woman makes decisions for a man, she is either bad, or mad, or unwilling. It is really hard to think of any stories where "good mistress" is the protagonist, even harder to think of one where she doesn't end up taking turns on the bottom at times.
Obviously, plenty of sub-tropes within the sissy stories, but the main variation is whether the story is pure homosexual or male and female. In both cases, the focus and protagonist is almost always the sissy, almost never the partner.
One oddball genre is the "curious experimenter", this is not a common pattern except in Lobo's stories. The experimenter might be playing with anything; a machine that gives you a ten-foot penis, a gender swapper, rubberiser, magic-fingers, whatever. The experiment often determines the necessary gender of the protagonist, but the character will usually be a fairly neutral type, not someone with a strong existing kink, with the particular exception of experiments involving rubber, which always seem to be performed by extreme rubber addicts.
