Help wanted for correcting a story

[Sirius]

Hello Mebers.

I have recently written my first story, but as I am completely new to writing and English is not my first language I would like help from someone with both so that I can submit a readable story.

[corabowen]

I think many sentences are grammatically fine but longer than they need to be. This slows pacing, especially in intense scenes. During editing, you should look for sentences with 2–3 commas, split them in half, and cut filler phrases ("she felt that," "she began to," "it seemed like").

Example:

She felt her perfectly manicured fingernails.

This doesn't add much unless it means something. Either connect it to emotion or remove it.

Shorter sentences = more control, more tension.