Partying with Hanna and Emma by Nightgerbil

[teanndaorsa]

You can view the story here on the plaza:

https://www.boundstories.net/storieslr/partying_with_hanna_and_emma.html
F/f+; fpov; chastity; buttplug; chain; collar; public; cons; X

Please feel free to leave your kind comments and feedback about this story here.

Thanks 

[thepinkbishop]

I would say you were right to submit this. The interaction between these three girls was hot. I liked the in medias res start too - I immediately wanted to know why she was cuffed to a bench in the rain. Too many erotic stories have a really long build up and then fail to deliver. Maybe that was the problem last time. There was some real emotion in Marie and serious passion in the dressing up scene though sometimes you did seem to lose the thread and i wasn't completely clear what you meant.
It reminded me a bit of Lisa and Ally from Sunstone.
I’m not sure I share your space buns fetish but each to his own.
Given how they dressed you probably could have got it into the Halloween section - in my view this was more erotic than most of the stories there.
i guess, in this case, less is more.

[nightgerbil]

Thanks for the feedback!

  I wonder what you mean about losing the thread and where it wasn't clear? was that the description of the kissing scene? (I worried about that as I've been seeing lots of "purple prose" rebukes on writing subreddits. Honestly though I think for me its always been great to read about inner emotions like that. I didn't feel it was to much? I may be wrong though?) Or was it the ending and the ongoing confusion on Maries part of whats going on with people around her? As thats a running theme through most of my stories (along with Marie complaining about how uncomfortable her clothes, hair, ropes,belt, spanked ass, etc etc are )

 Your point about starting straight into the action is something I've heard before. Its certainly a way to immediately grab readers attention and help keep them with you through the opening paragraphs while they are still deciding whether to keep reading or not. Make wee worry about my next submission to the site though, as thats the beginning of what I hope to be a longer series, so I spent the first third on the introduction of characters. I hope I did it in a way that was engaging and appealing to the reader, but I guess we will see.

 Anyway thanks again for the feedback. Always helpful!