Hello all

[goodgirl]

My name is goodgirl and that is just what I am, a good girl.  But, my boyfriend wants me to be a bad girl,  I just don't know how.  He wants me to tie him up and dominate him.  The problem is, I don't know what he really wants.  Is there any books out there like domination for dummies?

Please help this good girl be a bad girl!!

[ElectroPainLover]

Hello Goodgirl,

There are good books that can help you with his desires. Many among many of the stories you can read here will help you as well, as most of them go into some descriptive detail on the how to of the stories.

May I suggest, however, that you and your boyfriend sit down and have an open and descriptive discussion of what it is that he would like you to do. 'Code words' need to be established, especially if he wants to be gagged...then 'Code movements or grunts' need to be fully understood.

Another necessity will be to learn how to tie knots, if rope is used, and how to tie them safely. Never tie ropes so tight as to cut off blood circulation or press too tightly against nerve pressure points. NEVER tie rope around his neck if you are not there monitoring him AT ALL TIMES while the rope is around his neck!Bondage can be extremely fun and erotic for both the top (person tying the other up) and the bottom (person being tied up) and bring a completely different experience into the bedroom. It just has to be done safely and slowly until you each learn your limits of how far you want to go. If he wants it to be painful...you have to be WILLING to administer the pain. There needs to be a bit of sadist in your psychology, as, people that do not will generally back-off from the administration of punishment and worry too much that they may be hurting their partner.

You have to be willing to continue to give him the punishment he wants, either up to the end of the session you have planned, or, until the safety word to stop the session is given, or, the safety word to 'go lighter' is given. Being a dominate person can be learned, but generally there has to be some desire to do it, other than the fact that your boyfriend wants you to. Remember...you have to have your fill of enjoyment too and if tying someone up so that they are defenseless against your spanking (or whatever) doesn't help with sexual enjoyment...being a Domme is not your pleasure.

Just my thoughts and advice.

Dana --EPL

P.S.  There are several webpages that display all sorts of knot tying; text, tutorials, and videos; on how to tie basic and intricate knots. A search for 'tying knots' will bring up a slew of sites. Just pick the one that is easiest for you to learn from.

Also, in your discussion with him, he needs to be descriptive of the limits he is willing to go. Off-limit parts of the body need to be discussed. What type of instruments can or cannot be used. That sort of stuff. Your discussion needs to be free and open, without being judgemental of what his desires are. There are all sorts of different types of punishment which one can inflict upon another. Nipple clamps can be lightly painful to extremely painful depending on the type you use. Clothespins may be the best to start with.

If he had never been dominated before but has had a fascination of being dominated, you need to understand that he, too, is in the learning and discovery process.

Once you start, explore different things to do to him, and, if he doesn't give the code word to stop...continue to explore further.

Just some additional thoughts I had.

Dana -- EPL

[ElectroPainLover]

Goodgirl,

Here is a website that looks like it may explain things a little better than I can as I am a submissive. I didn't get any popup windows when I went and browsed the site.

http://dominantguide.com/3468/can-someone-learn-to-be-a-dominant/

I hope it helps you and you and your boyfriend explore the world of bondage.

Play Safe!

Dana -- EPL

[goodgirl]

Thank you EPL.  I am looking forward to trying a little CBT.  I just want to permanently injure him.  I might like to have children some day!!

[ElectroPainLover]

Hi again Goodgirl,

It is pretty hard to permanently injure a man's parts. Usually, the pain is much too much well before permanent injury is done.

The easiest way to permanently injure him is incorrectly using urethral sounds, instruments designed to be inserted into his urethra. Great care and sterilization needs to be taken when inserting items into his penis, but, if he has not experienced this, it can be quite uncomfortable for him.

Ball stretchers are another way to give him plenty of discomfort without actual injury. Ball crushers can be extremely uncomfortable and painful.

Also look into penis cages/chastity devices. They can be locked on and prevent him from masturbating. They can be somewhat devious. I have one that will allow me to get an erection, but, at a very painful price. The ring which slides to the bottom of the penis has studs which becomes very painful during an erection. It also has a hollow tube which goes into the urethra and is ribbed. If you wish, I can post a picture of it so you can understand its use. (No...I won't be wearing it in the picture unless requested.)

There are plenty of ways to cause pain to a man down there.

I hope I am helping you explore his desires.

Dana -- EPL

[MsBehavin]

Keep things simple to start when binding is my suggestion. A sturdy set of leather cuffs is a must and don't have to be expensive. Ropes, snaps or locks can be used through the D rings to secure your 'prey'. A ball gag can be made or bought cheaply enough. Gagging is always good to set the mood. As far as any CBT goes I'd suggest start slow and work up. That way you'll get to read him and know a 'good' pain from the 'I'll never let anyone come near my privates EVER AGAIN!' type. Maybe start with a bit of light (and not so slight) slapping, finger flicking, nail scratching and build from there. Keep him guessing too - something nice with a firm slap when he least expects it.

Pegs, a pastry brush and ice cubes make for great tools for sensation play. I'd suggest you explore his reactions work out his likes, tolerances and limits and take it from there. Believe me you will soon work out many ways of being deliciously devious.

Chastity is great too and ebay is your friend for an initial try out of different devices for cheap short term play.

Electro play is AWESOME btw. Invest in a tens and have a little fun. Turning a man into a gibbering wreck by the turn of a button is quite the rush 

Fun times await.

Trish   

[Lobo De la Sombra]

I'd tend to agree with everything that's been said so far.  Start easy, simple, and build as you go.  Definitely talk first, find out what he wants, what he thinks he wants, and especially what he doesn't want.  Discuss limits, and once you know those limits, explore them and encourage him to expand them.  Never ignore.  And remember, safety first.  Fun is only fun until someone gets hurt.  It can take a bit longer to make sure you're doing things in a safe way, but the time is always well invested.  Make sure you discuss every scene together, before and after.  And, if you have any specific questions, I'm sure you'd have no trouble getting several answers from the good (at being bad) people here.

[ElectroPainLover]

Electro play is AWESOME btw. Invest in a tens and have a little fun. Turning a man into a gibbering wreck by the turn of a button is quite the rush 

I really have to agree with you on that one Trish...and, boy how I wish I had someone to turn me into a gibbering wreck other than myself. 

E-stim can be quite erotic and fun, but, when a sub needs a little training it can really set them straight in a hurry.

Dana -- EPL

[Daffy Duck]

Welcome Goodgirl to the forum.

The first thing I have to say is I note the use of your words. "My boyfriend wants me to" rather than "I want to".

You should never do stuff you feel uncomfortable with.

And your boyfriend should appreciate you for who you are.

You should not feel pressured into conforming to someone else's wishes.

If YOU want to learn, then learn. But that is your decision not his.

Sorry if I sound like a 1950's agony aunt, but a willing playmate is far more sexy than anything else.

He will notice if you are not getting pleasure from it.

And if you don't know what he wants, why not ask him ?

If you are comfortable getting your clothes off, you should be comfortable enough to talk to each other.

No question is a silly question. Nobody knows everything so try not to be embarrassed.

You are amongst friends.

Daffy - the old git.

[TeaSer]

Fun how we all seems to agree when it comes to reality - maybe this is due to the generic desire to have fun more than once.

As you have seen by the answers and will see as you explore this site more in detail, it's a general problem for submissive men to find a partner they trust and who can also cope with their weird desires. Your partner will be a happy man if you succeed.

As said, do remember that lots of his desires comes from fantasies - the extent he's willing to or able to handle in reality might be different. This is why even a hardcore painlover shall have safewords.

As also said you're the one to do the work! If you don't feel good about it, things tend to fade and get boring. I do hope you will get a nice powerrush and feel good about it.

If talking about your individual desires is too difficult, you might find stories for each other - this could be a good way to investigate things you didn't consider. And if you can find some slave-contracts on the internet, this is another good way to get things going. Not that your partner shall (nescessarily) be your slave, but those contracts often contain a large questionaire about limits. Especially if new to the kinky scene, there might be a lot of things you don't set as a limit, simply because you never imagined this to be a possibility.

Talking about limits - he has some which are often obvious (as he's the one to suffer), but don't underestimate your limits either! If you e.g. can't burn his balls with a cigarette, he should not urge you to do so. That will just cause you to feel inadequate. And when you've been playing for a month or two, revisit the limits questionaire again. At this time you might want to answer differently.

As any relationship a BDSM relationship is about evolving. Do allow your partner to devellop - and don't hesitate to create your own role. There's very few strict rules to how people shall interact - even if safety is a basic rule for a long time. But in the end even this rule may evaporate and he will accept you to have full control over his well being.

So, good girl! Don't be scared about what to do - go out there and enjoy! (and if you should want to tell the rest of us about your adventures, don't restrain yourself).

TeaSer