Partying with Hanna and Emma by Nightgerbil

[teanndaorsa]

You can view the story here on the plaza:

https://www.boundstories.net/storieslr/partying_with_hanna_and_emma.html
F/f+; fpov; chastity; buttplug; chain; collar; public; cons; X

Please feel free to leave your kind comments and feedback about this story here.

Thanks 

[thepinkbishop]

I would say you were right to submit this. The interaction between these three girls was hot. I liked the in medias res start too - I immediately wanted to know why she was cuffed to a bench in the rain. Too many erotic stories have a really long build up and then fail to deliver. Maybe that was the problem last time. There was some real emotion in Marie and serious passion in the dressing up scene though sometimes you did seem to lose the thread and i wasn't completely clear what you meant.
It reminded me a bit of Lisa and Ally from Sunstone.
I’m not sure I share your space buns fetish but each to his own.
Given how they dressed you probably could have got it into the Halloween section - in my view this was more erotic than most of the stories there.
i guess, in this case, less is more.

[nightgerbil]

Thanks for the feedback!

  I wonder what you mean about losing the thread and where it wasn't clear? was that the description of the kissing scene? (I worried about that as I've been seeing lots of "purple prose" rebukes on writing subreddits. Honestly though I think for me its always been great to read about inner emotions like that. I didn't feel it was to much? I may be wrong though?) Or was it the ending and the ongoing confusion on Maries part of whats going on with people around her? As thats a running theme through most of my stories (along with Marie complaining about how uncomfortable her clothes, hair, ropes,belt, spanked ass, etc etc are )

 Your point about starting straight into the action is something I've heard before. Its certainly a way to immediately grab readers attention and help keep them with you through the opening paragraphs while they are still deciding whether to keep reading or not. Make wee worry about my next submission to the site though, as thats the beginning of what I hope to be a longer series, so I spent the first third on the introduction of characters. I hope I did it in a way that was engaging and appealing to the reader, but I guess we will see.

 Anyway thanks again for the feedback. Always helpful!

[JakAlbrt]

I really loved this story. Very erotic. I likde reading about how Marie feels being in chastity and denied. 😍

Was a but confused by some scenes that refreance past events. I couldnt hep but wonder about Hannas time in chastity, or Maries first day locked in the belt, or even how Emma & Marie got to that park bench. Also, who is Emma's corworker guy?

After reading your authors note i realize the answer to these questions might be in the first part of the story that hasn't been published yet on this site. Can it be found somewbere else?

[nightgerbil]

Mhmm yes many of the stories can be found elsewhere. The immediate precursor to this one, introducing Emma and what happened with them wasn't published though. I had EXTREMELY negative feedback on it. I'm currently sitting on it for abit, maybe I can figure out how to fix it at some point in the future? Its hard though without basically ripping out the heart of the story. To make the changes to it, I fear, involves pressing the delete key and starting again with different ideas if I'm honest.

 Its difficult to square the circle though that its basically crossing several lines (that my test readers had), both in ceasing to be fun and just being cruel (I get that) to its portrayal of Marie and her character, which is what I might be able to fix. I am planning to offer more of my stories to this site when I get time. they have to be appropriate for this site though. Its a different readership to other places. As you know doubt have guessed I prefer to write consensual and alot of my stuff is on the mild side (in my opinion). Its when I get harder I seem to lose my audience.

 Anyway I'm glad you enjoyed the story! I hope you enjoy the next couple of submissions I send to the site as they do have similar themes, as well as my style of writing.