Marie and Mrs Stamford by Nightgerbil

[teanndaorsa]

You can view the story here on the plaza:

https://www.boundstories.net/storieslr/marie_and_mrs_stamford.html
F/f; fpov; chastity; roleplay; punish; spank; cane; hum; cons; X

https://www.boundstories.net/storieslr/marie_and_mrs_stamford2.html
F/f; fpov; chastity; roleplay; gag; punish; spank; paddle; caught; hum; cons; X

Please feel free to leave your kind comments and feedback about this story here.

Thanks 

[feline]

Having read both parts I am really not sure what I think.

At first I was confused, dropped into the middle of events, without any attempt to explain the setting, or situation.  I was curious about the title and the tags, so kept reading, wondering if things were going to start making sense quickly.  A few things became clearer over time, but much is still unknown.  There is a lot of emotion, a lot of feeling at work here, making it fun to read, but I am still left unsure of what is going on here.

The change of our central woman from a total brat to quite the submissive is interesting though...

[nightgerbil]

Hey first off thanks for the feedback, its always useful!

You said finishing the stories much is still unknown to you? That the setting is confusing? Do you mind me asking for more detail re that? Would more time at the beginning of the story thinking about her girlfriend/domme have helped clarify things?

If the story leaves the readers asking "whats going on?" I've clearly failed as a writer in that sense

[bentbliss]

Interesting couple of stories. Marie is an interesting character. It's fun to see the troublemaker get in over her head. The twist with Ms. Stamford's admission with her role when her husband was alive and the collar leaves us waiting for a continuation. There is plenty of curiosity as to how this changes for Ms. Stamford if and when Hannah comes around. We hear about her but haven't met her. I can see a number of options as to what can happen when we finally do meet her. Good luck if you plan to continue this as it will be interesting to see how it plays out.

[feline]

nightgerbil I am off to have another look, to try and explain my thinking and perspective as I re-read the story, trying to capture the feelings from when I first read the story.

First though, I want you to realise you have produced a story with a lot of feelings, a lot of emotion and passion, this is an AMAZING result, since this is often where erotic writing struggles the most in my opinion!  So please remember this while I have another look at this story of yours...

Actually, before I start part 1, can I ask about your other stories?  None seem to be posted to Gromets, since nothing else is coming up under your author link, so I am just wondering where I might find them to have a look see.

OK, back to part 1.  You are suggesting a young woman, not long into the world of work, very little money and just getting started, based on the living conditions.  Then suddenly we have Hanna, without any real understanding of the relationship between the two women.  Hanna has just been released from her own chastity belt?  OK, so Hanna is being locked up, but we don't know why or by whom.  Not sure it matters, but that doesn't speak to an obviously purely dominant personality.

Marie has been locked up, and since she is locked up, Hanna is prepared to let her come home, so Hanna is the dominant to Marie the submissive?  Why so separate, they don't want to be together?  Marie is avoiding a lot of spanking, but almost seems to miss it...  I am confused about the relationship and what she wants.

So Marie is horny and a brat, who wants to get into trouble, and is goding her landlady who has previously spanked her.  Clearly locked into a chastity belt isn't enough of an ongoing punishment for her.

Apparently Marie has VERY long hair, and she has rules about what she can and cannot do with her hair.  Again suggestions of a long distance D/s relationship between the two women, but no real sense of what sort of relationship they have, or why the separation, or what is going on here.  Does this make sense?  Can you see what sort of questions I am puzzling over?  Basically, why would Hanna not want to keep Marie close if they have an ongoing relationship?

Then Marie presenting herself like this...  apart from one spanking during class, there is no suggestion, no hint, that her landlady is kinky, or that she would know what to do with an adult woman behaving like a school girl brat.  What encourages such crazy behaviour?  Marie is dressing like a very sexed up school girl, and offering herself on a plate, in other situations this would suggest "desperate to get a good fuck", verging on "risking being taken unreasonably".  Yet presenting herself to a straight laced female landlady...  what are we to think of her motivations?  Or is she just so horny she simply isn't, cannot think?  Again, I am confused.  Does this make sense?

Only once you are over your landlady's knee, obviously about to get a bare bottom spanking while acting like a sex kitten do you stop to wonder what your landlady is going to think?!?!?!!!!!  You have just dragged your landlady into the middle of your sexual fantasy, only to now realise she might discover you are turned on by your own sexual fantasy...  not much joined up thinking here to be honest.

Then her landlady is suggesting she should be collared...  so, we have a very kinky landlady who is well aware of this world, and Marie is all shocked that the person she dragged into a sex game is kink aware.

The spanking, the caning, the discipline, this makes sense, this is what can happen when you go and brat poke the very stern dominant...  but normally the person doing the brat poking knows before hand that they are actually poking a dominant, and not just confusing some random innocent, who will have no idea what to make of all of this, or what is going on here.

So I reached the end of part 1 with many questions, but having enjoyed the journey and the passion, the feelings and the emotions.

Part 2, it sounds like Marie works as a waitress, the sort of thing you can expect for a low paid and low skill job for a newly out of school woman.

LOL and SNORT - the brat has decided not to poke the serious dom...  to late for that, its already been set in motion!  Really, what do you know and consider?

So, cute to go with the sexy / slutty school girl look.  You have just resolved to be good, not to poke the nasty dom, and then second you get into her room, you are in full blown BRAT poke mode?!  Seriously, what am I to think here, what am I to make of these mixed messages.  Actions speak far louder than words, and no matter how you may say you don't want to be in trouble, none of your actions actually support these views or comments.  If you want / need more full time supervision from a dom, why are you back here, so far away from the holder of your keys, and then woman you are still obeying?  Again, I am back to wondering about the relationship between the two of them.

Gagged and told she is to report back like that the next morning for an outing, her landlady is really taking things up a notch, and forward, and all Marie can do is gust with pleasure...  so does she want a super strict dominant or not?  Well, clearly she does actually.

Interesting that she is moving past being a brat, and becoming more aware of how submissive she is.  Then we find that her landlady considers her to be nearly fully trained?!  Again, a significant piece of plot, but no real context.  We still no nothing really about her relationship with Hanna.

Then the encounter on the way back to her room, the emotions and feelings, the fact that clearly her status as slave and "bad girl" is going to be public and happen in front of all of the other lodgers here, it all adds a real emotional punch and a lot of power to the story.  We have learned something very important about our landlady, and how come she is so experienced and knowledgeable as a strict dominant.

Do these comments make sense?  Can you see more of why I feel confused about what is going on here, but also moved, grabbed and interested in these women and their games?

[nightgerbil]

Thanks for the feedback 

I have written a number of stories regarding Hanna and Marie starting with girls game night. I posted these on deviant art, but haven't submitted them here yet. Frankly am I not sure they suit this site given they are far more sexually explicit and I'm really uncertain of how far the rules/boundaries are on this site?

Felines point is well taken though re: in a vacuum the stories might be fun but the plot doesn't make sense. something to consider before I offer any further stories.

[feline]

Looks like I may have found your deviant art page, I shall check it out at some point

[throwaway140124]

Fantastic writing style, and I love the scenes! I also have found your stuff on deviantart, and that is also great! Hope you keep it up!

There's a writers guide here - https://grometsplaza.net/pages/writers.html, but as far as I can tell, nothing on your deviant art page wouldn't be allowed here. Nor compared to other stories published here.