Introducing someone to bondage

[ario120987]

So my girlfriend and I have been together for a few years now. I've been interested in bondage for a really long time and I recently shared my fetish with her. She has been very open about it and has expressed that she is willing to let me tie her up. However, I know her. She is the kind of person who becomes very uncomfortable when someone tries to control or objectify her.

The fact that she is willing to let me tie her up, is really endearing. That she'd get out of her comfort zone to humor me is amazing. But I'd like some advice or tips to ease her into it, or make her more comfortable. I would like if we would make bondage a mutual interest.

[ElectroPainLover]

Hello Ario and welcome to the Forum. Again, I am sorry for the mix-up on your registration.

First off...let me congratulate you on having the courage to breech the subject with your girlfriend and having a partner showing some interest in bondage with you. I envy you  .

Might I suggest using something not generally directly associated with bondage by the average person...neck-ties or scarves. Both are generally quite soft and not quite as discomforting as seeing a coil of rope or hard steel cuffs coming at them. Making it a sexy situation...say slowly taking off the neck-tie and embracing her while gently pulling her wrists behind her and tying them together while kissing her. Make the bondage for her sensual at first. Tie a scarf or tie to her wrist and pull the other end between your legs, forcing her hand down to your groin. Use one or the other to lightly blindfold her without her wrists bound, but, if she takes it off, you stop pleasing her in whatever way you wish.

Using a slow technique that only slightly involves levels of bondage. Discuss having a 'safe-word' that, if she uses it, she is immediately released from her restraints and NEVER ignore her when she uses her safe-word. Just make sure the safe-word is not something that would be in normal role-play or scenario's. Help, Ouch, Stop, No More, Quit, and the like are not very good safe-words. Something like humming a favorite song or "Bambi" as these are not generally words or actions used during sexual activities.

The most important thing is to never push her past her comfort zone (it will broaden as she gets more used to bondage play) and NEVER-EVER do anything to break her trust in you...even outside of the bedroom. Do not play while consuming alcohol as it reduces your inhibitions and you may go further than she wants to go due to have less-control of your actions. It's fine if she would like a drink to relax her a little, just not to the point where she is drunk and there is a possibility of her vomiting and aspirating due to acidic vomit entering her lungs. However, even if she wants the drink to relax...do not drink yourself.

I hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck. I am sure there will be some other members with other suggestions for you.

Again, welcome to the Forum and enjoy.

Dana

[ario120987]

No problem!

Thank you so much for the advice! After reading stories and seeing art or pictures for so long, the prospect of trying something for real is exciting, but really intimidating! I'm glad I can get some input somewhere, because I really do feel fortunate my girlfriend is giving me this chance. I'd hate to mess it up...

[ElectroPainLover]

The biggest thing, in my opinion, is pacing and trust. Pacing is important so she never feels pressured to go beyond what she feels comfortable with. Anytime someone does something for the first time, they are nervous; but, the more they do it the more natural and less scary it becomes. Think of driving; how you felt the first time you did it and how comfortable you are with it now. Swimming can be another case of overcoming a fear.

Trust is the topper of all. How could she trust you with her life or freedom if she can't trust you with the financials. There is no bigger fear for someone than the loss of control of one's self. Having one's self-being taken away removes any form of self-reliance and the ability to protect or provide for themselves. Even possibly facing death due to it. I cannot stress enough to never take her past what she feels comfortable with or ignoring her desire to stop...no matter how into the scenario you are or even if you are only ten more strokes from climax...if she says stop (using a safe-word preferably), it means now...not when you finish. As soon as her trust in you is lost...any further bondage play will most likely be out the window.

Remember the tortoise and the hare...slow and easy wins the race.

[MaxRoper]

What Dana said: You're very fortunate to have someone who's willing to give it a try and you're correct understand that if you blow it now you may not get another go. Slow and easy is the key.

I'd suggest wrists in front and no other restraints for the first few tries, doing every trick you know to make her smile (I'm guessing you have a few ideas of what she likes, yes?). You want to make it something she associates with having a good time. And no gags! You need to communicate in every possible way until you're both comfortable.

Your questions show me you're a really good guy and I'm betting you'll do it right. Good luck!

Max

[Lobo De la Sombra]

I'm going to agree with what's already been said here.  You've already gotten some very good advice from people who should know.  I would, however, add one thing that, to me, is even more important than trust and patience.  Communication.  Whatever you think or feel, whatever she thinks or feels, none of it matters unless you can communicate those things with each other.  Tell her what you would like to do, and how, and why.  More important, ask her what she would like to try, also with the how and why.  And remember, once those first ropes go on, you are responsible for whatever happens next.  You know how she likes to be touched, treated.  Do whatever you can to make that first experience one she'll want to repeat.  Respect her wishes, her limits, and make sure she understands that, even though she'll be the helpless one, she will always have the final say on how far things go.

[ElectroPainLover]

Great point bring up the importance of communication Lobo. I guess I didn't mention it because I could never trust anyone I couldn't communicate with, so, for me, the two go hand-in-hand. I could, however, see how others might not feel the same.

Dana

[ario120987]

An update on the situation: So first time tying up my girlfriend went relatively well. At first she was pretty nervous. We took it easy mostly, watching a scary movie in bed. (I honestly don'y know who was the captive at that point, her tied up or me watching Paranormal Activity...) After that we just sort of cuddle. I massaged her and she started to get more comfortable. She still seemed a bit nervous with the whole thing, but she said she didn't dislike it?

[ElectroPainLover]

That sounds Great Ario!!! Great idea of watching a movie while she was tied. Nice way to allow her to relax, though maybe a romance or comedy may have been better suited than Paranormal Activity...LOL. I am glad she is becoming a little more comfortable and that she was not simply turned-off by the whole experience.

Thanks for the update.
Dana

[ario120987]

A note, that's her comfort movie. I'm a wimp with that movie T_T

[ElectroPainLover]

Got ya...as long as it is good for her...that's the ticket.
Dana

[TeaSer]

Sorry to be a bore - but is it strictly the bondage, you desire? Or do you rather desire the domination in general?

The reason for asking really is: You can do lots of domination without involving bondage. Like having her obey simple commands - or requests rather. Like wearing that red scarf or the tight jeans or something like that. You could even use this while in public - having her do normal things on your request.

When talking about bondage, you could lock her clothes on. Like tieing up the belt for her jeans using some thin thread. Having her ask you for permission to use the toilet (as that would require the thread to be removed).

As suggested use soft ties, but you can elaborate on how to tie her. Like fixing one wrist to the belt making her feel vulnerable. Of course she can easily untie herself using the other hand - still she would feel 'different'.

I remember a girl being tied with sewing thread - a finger on the right hand connected with the same finger on the left hand. This could, of course, easily be torn - but she was to avoid that. That could be another way of introducing 'helplessness'.

Anyway, I really do hope things works out the way you want - and that you gain yourself a lovely bondage-doll.

TeaSer

[ario120987]

It's more about the bondage rather than the domination. I like the aesthetic of someone I love and find attractive tied up. While I enjoy domination and submission, I know she wouldn't and I couldn't put her through something she'd dislike.

[ElectroPainLover]

Ario,

I truly applaud you for not being an overbearing man to your girl!!! Bravo!!! I too like the beauty of a bound woman and I enjoy being bound myself. I, if I ever get into another relationship, would be the submissive though I would also enjoy to tie her up and play sexually.

Again, it is her comfort zone which needs to be adhered to and I believe you are really doing everything within you to prevent crossing her 'no more' line.

I believe you are a good man brother!

Dana