This is a lot of fun, and an excellent read. Gromet, you still need to keep an eye on how you start your stories, you are still doing a fairly necessary "information dump" up front, to help set the scene. We do need this to set the scene, introduce the characters, and get everything up and running. But if you could find some way to inject a bit more feeling and character into this, it would help.
At the end of part one I was left feeling rather disappointed, since this had appeared in the packaged section, a type of bondage story that has long fascinated me, that there wasn't really any packaging, but it turns out you were just building up for the much longer and more wicked part two, so that all worked out in the end
One thing that I am so glad you did here was to show our little bird being transported while packaged. I have often felt / thought that "packaged" but not transported isn't really packaged, its just bondage inside a small space. Certainly not a bad thing, but it misses out on the extra element that does so much to bring this idea alive, and to give it purpose.
So seeing her get locked inside the suitcase by accident was wonderful, and then only a two seat car, everything came together to naturally, one of those situations where everything builds towards a conclusion, and suddenly we have a bound object being moved around, happy times!
The embarrassment at being exposed naked like that, especially smelling so strongly of sex was very well done, an excellent high point for me
Seeing her packed away and used when not packed away, excellent, fun and well done.
One thing that I feel is lacking is there wasn't much emotion or fantasy / enjoyment from her during her birthday package and transport. Where is the racing thoughts? The dreams / fantasies that maybe this time it really is for real? The physical aspects are very well done, the situation and the relationship is all set out and built up to naturally, but given that this was the climax of part two, where was the emotional climax during this amazing, and obviously very carefully planned and organised journey?
Not a big point, but a point that I think needs to be made. I really have enjoyed all of this so far though, and I am looking forward to seeing where you are taking this. The length of part two, and the helpful group of like minded friends does rather suggest that you have plenty of scope and plenty of thoughts to explore here, and I want to see what they are, what fun awaits
Topic: Packaged Bird by Gromet (Read 4680 times)
