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BoundStories Website Stories Feedback / Re: Sophie and Mark by Twisted...
Last post by twistedsmile - Today at 12:29:14 AM13. "Seeing" Commentary
Lucky chapter 13. Where nothing bad happens. Strap in, kids, there's a lot to say about this one.
"Seeing" was one of the 'S' word ideas. Two possible interpretation - voyeurism (but of whom?) or the type of cucking where you watch your partner having sex with someone else. There's also the metaphorical sense of "seeing someone for who they really are" (that might be a bit of a stretch).
I always knew this story was going to be controversial. I'll go into WHY I decided to break up Sophie and Mark in the commentary for chapter 14. For now I'll just talk about why I did it in this specific way.
So here was the problem - it was always going to be a temporary break; the series is called "Sophie & Mark", after all. So I needed a plausible reason for them to break up, which could also be undone/resolved in a way that didn't feel cheap.
A threesome was already on the story idea list, and it felt like a natural fit as a relationship disruptor.
The original idea was that they have this threesome with Rob, then realise that maybe Mark enjoyed having sex with another man more that either of them expected. Framed this way, it's not so much a break up as, Mark needs to spend a little time exploring his sexuality - which Sophie suggests. Ultimately, Mark decides that while he may be a little queer, it's still Sophie he wants to be with. If you look back over the series, you'll see I was seeding the idea of Mark being bi all along.
But when I actually sat down and wrote this chapter, it didn't play out that way - it's hard to say that Mark came away from his first M/m experience with a desire to try more. I wanted to keep to the original plan, but in the end it felt like I was forcing it.
But there was a fallback plan - something else that's been bubbling below the surface of the series, right from the ending of chapter 1. I talked about it in the commentary to chapter 11, and Mark lays it out at the start of chapter 14 - all along, Sophie has been toeing the line of Mark's consent. It was inevitable that she would eventually cross that line.
I'll go into the rest later. The important thing is this ticks both the boxes - it's a legitimate relationship concern, and it's an issue that can be resolved with sincerity; and can even make the relationship stronger in the end. But in the meantime, I had to really hurt Mark.
In another thread I said I didn't 'enjoy' writing this chapter. By that, I partly mean I didn't enjoy blowing up Sophie and Mark's relationship. But also, since the story is written from first person pov, I had to get into Mark's negative headspace. Suffice to say, I much prefer writing the silly, romantic stories
"Wanna see some photos?" - I think of this like when a parent tries to embarrass their kid by showing old baby photos. It's all in good fun. The photos are a callback to chapters 4 and 5, and likely other photos were taken 'off screen' (Sophie would surely want a photos of cross-dressed Mark).
"I thought you'd want to see how I found him the other night" - Rob wasn't just using his phone for a torch in chapter 12 :O
"she had been a little upset about my self-bondage adventure" - a very early idea was Sophie feeling betrayed by Mark's self-bondage, leading to the break up. But that felt like a massive over-reaction, and not true to Sophie's character. I mean, why wouldn't she approve of Mark tying himself up? And if I had gone that way, there's really no way to resolve the issue beside "actually I've decided to forgive you".
"We'd already smashed through so many social barriers" - hand-waving. I didn't have the patience for slow-building up to the threesome over multiple chapters.
"Indecent" - the section titles are all partial titles of erotic thrillers: Indecent (Proposal), Wild (Things), Cruel (Intentions), (Body) Double, Fatal (Attraction)
"Bor-ring!" - there are some people who are normal and sweet when its just you and them, but when they get in front of (certain) other people, they start acting out, putting on a performance. It can be quite unsettling.
"I dare you... to kiss Rob" - when I was a teen, a girl who would later become my girlfriend dared me to kiss another guy (with tongue). And this was before she and I had even kissed! Funnily enough, the name of the guy I kissed was Mark. I wouldn't read anything into that
"Sophie was on the settee, Rob and I were on the floor" - it's over Mark, she has the high ground
"Wow... that was so hot!" - as established in chapter 5, Sophie is a fan of BL (male-on-male), so this was all just an excuse to satisfy her sick perversion (complimentary)
"If only I could come up with something juicy" - listen, writing is hard
"send [the photo] to me first" - I mean, let's not kid ourselves, she already has it. She's just winding Mark up.
"Alright, Soph" - Rob is being very familiar
"Truth." / "Oh, come on!" - did you really expect Sophie to play fair?
"have you ever... had a threesome?" - in the original draft, Sophie is the one that proposes the threesome ("there's something I always wanted to try"), and Mark and Rob agree because... reasons? It felt rather forced/lazy, to say the least. The game of Truth or Dare has a softer entry, and feels like it evolves more naturally.
"Robert, you cad! That's no way to talk to a lady." - there's a comic creator I like called John Allison. He writes (wholesome) stories with a very British sense of humour. I'd highly recommend the 'Giant Days' series (or any of his stuff really). Anyway, this is the sort of line one of his characters would say.
"like she was embarrassed to admit that she hadn't [had a threesome]" - ego's a dangerous thing
"Do you want to have one?" - who dares wins
"Sophie looked at me" / "I tilted my head" / "She sighed" - Sophie is looking at Mark as if to say "should we do this?". Mark doesn't understand, but Sophie (mis)reads his response as him saying "why not?"
"She left without waiting for our answer." - easier to walk away than face a possible rejection (and in her underwear, no less). If they hadn't followed her she could have played it off as a joke.
"Would I really feel okay sharing Sophie?" - cucking found its way on to the story ideas list early on. What I wasn't sure about was whether it would be something Mark was into. There was a part of me that wanted to be more sex-positive - after all, there are plenty of people who do enjoy such things. But ultimately I was working towards a particular ending (breakup). Perhaps, in another world, the three of them had a grand old time and formed a happy polycule instead.
"he slowly stood." - Rob's motivation for this is he's attracted to Sophie, and he's willing to 'tolerate' Mark since this is likely his only opportunity to sleep with her.
"He stayed there... waiting for me to respond" - he at least respects Mark enough not to try and go ahead without his approval/participation (such as it is).
"whether I was going to let him go alone" - it should hopefully be self-evident that, if Mark had decided not to go along, Sophie would not have had sex with Rob on his own.
"I gave Rob a nod." - lots of non-verbal communication going on. I'm sure that won't be a problem.
In the original draft, Mark was going to be cross-dressing - in his 'Caroline' persona from chapter 11 - to sort of make smooth over why Rob would be okay with having his dick sucked by Mark. But then I stole that idea for Brett & Darren. Anyway, the way the story plays out, having Mark do a full costume change would have felt incongruous.
"buckling the ankle strap of her black high heels... changed into her leather corset." - same outfit as chapter 8; very Domme-coded
"Maybe it was the way Sophie was looking at us; sizing us up. Comparing us?" - this is Mark's insecurity talking. Given his remarks about Rob's muscles, clearly Mark himself is comparing.
"Are you both happy to continue?" - this is what I was talking about in a prior commentary, Mark is given the opportunity to stop, there's nothing forcing him to continue. So why doesn't he say no?
* "I didn't want to be the killjoy" - peer pressure
* "We'd already come this far." - foot in the door
* "And she was looking so stunning." - horniness
* "Would it really be so bad?" - optimism
* "This could be one of those stories you tell" - rationalisation (FOMO?)
"Okay" - not what you'd call 'enthusiastic' consent
"Did this really all start with a game of Scrabble all those months ago" - chapter 3. I said in the last commentary I was only vaguely keeping track of the timeline. Chapter 1 takes place in the spring, chapter 11 also takes place late summer of the following year, so probably about 1.5-2 years for things to escalate to this point.
"Show Mark how it's done." - okay, let's talk about what Sophie is doing/why she's doing it. I think it would be dishonest to say she doesn't find Rob attractive, but she isn't attracted to him 'like that'. She has no desire to replace Mark. Her goal is to make Mark jealous, because jealousy is an intense (albeit toxic) form of desire. In that sense, she views Rob as just a 'prop' - not a person so much as a sex toy, no more meaningful than a dildo.
"She never took her eyes off me." / "I could feel myself growing" / "Good boy." - it's intentionally ambiguous, but she IS saying 'good boy' to Mark in response to him getting aroused. This was the 'desire' she was after.
"moving his mouth close to hers" / "Nuh-uh" - Sophie very intentionally won't allow Rob to kiss her (see also: Pretty Woman)
"She pulled a condom out" - the series hasn't mentioned condoms prior to this point, and Mark has referenced ejaculating inside of Sophie more than once. So we can assume that Sophie is on the pill. Making Rob wear a condom is symbolic distancing, similar to the no-kissing. (Also, possible STIs, I guess). As for why they even have condoms to hand, I dunno, maybe for when they want to ride the crimson tide.
"Mmm, so big ... Can't wait to have it inside me." - I read once that when people are lying, they tend to avoid saying 'I'. In any case, true to the section title, this is an incredibly cruel thing to say. I feel uncomfortable just reading it back.
"When she slid down onto his cock" - I chose the phrasing of this very carefully. Rob doesn't 'enter' or 'penetrate' Sophie. She is the one doing the action on him. Similarly, Mark described her as "fucking someone else" not 'being fucked by'
"Eyes on me, baby." - I said the thing about her doing it to make Mark jealous, but I'm not going to pretend like she doesn't take it too far.
"Her gaze stayed fixed on me" - again, she has no interest in Rob beyond him acting as a prop; this is all about Mark.
"I pulled at my cuffs, reopening old wounds." - from the self-bondage in chapter 12, the wounds were referenced earlier in this chapter
"Ooh, Rob... you've got really great abs." - I (the writer) might have gotten carried away. This is getting pretty nasty.
"Rob had been mostly still up to that point" - a problem I had with this story was keeping track of what everyone was doing. So at any given time one of the characters tends to fade into the background.
"Not so tough now, eh?" - The line itself is meant to be read as playful rather than malicious, but he clearly hasn't 'read the room'. I said in the commentary to chapter 2, BDSM is a game - the Domme only has power for as long as the sub agrees to play along. Rob doesn't respect Sophie's role as Domme enough to play the game, and has the strength to physically over-power her.
"'No,'Sophie commanded, 'bad boy!'" - I wanted to make it clear that Sophie is not in distress. The story isn't trying to frame this like a sexual assault, Sophie is just annoyed and trying (in vein) to reassert her dominance
"A deep, guttural roar, 'ET OFF ER!'" - he says "get off her" not "let her go". Mark's not (just) trying to rescue Sophie, he also wants Rob to stop fucking her. This is very much his emotions boiling over.
"Sophie took a pair of handcuffs ... wrenched his arms behind his back" - safer (for her) than having his hands cuffed in front
"I didn't need you to rescue me" - she means this sincerely, she really believed she could have 'rescued' herself.
But why was she upset with Mark? Well... did Rob stop when Sophie told him to stop, or when Mark told him to stop? To quote Game of Thrones, "power resides where men believe it resides". By trying to 'save' Sophie, Mark undermined her authority as Domme.
So now both Rob and Mark have challenged Sophie's power, and she has to put them in their place - ushering the arrival of 'Dark Sophie', the true sadist.
"Any upset she'd had for us had melted away" - I didn't want what follows to be motivated by anger. That would be quite unpleasant. She knows she now has complete power over both Mark and Rob, and she's going to enjoy it.
"Good boy." - in chapter 5 this was said affectionately, here it's condescending.
"kissing me with a competitive passion" - the jealousy cuts both ways
"..hand between my legs, grabbing Rob's cock... An image entered my mind" - did it enter your mind too?
"my mouth pulling to form an 'R'" - R for Red
"You really think I'd let anyone else fuck you like that before I do?" - I had some trouble with the phrasing of this; I'm still not entirely happy with it. She wants to be the one to take his ass-virginity is the point. Considering Mark already declined Sophie's attempt in Chapter 7, someone else claiming him first would feel especially 'hurtful' to Sophie.
"'Relieved' isn't the word, but it's the one that came to mind." - I think I stole this from Chuck Palahniuk. I forget which book, possibly 'Choke'.
"I could taste traces of Sophie on him" - how romantic
"why was it so arousing?" - as mentioned near the top, this was the original plan. The story would have ended with Rob cumming on Mark, then Mark orgasming and realising he'd been jerking himself off the whole time - causing Sophie and Mark to have an existential crisis over Mark's sexuality. Ultimately that felt a little weird/contrived for an ending.
Second issue, Mark's hands are cuffed behind his back to match Rob. For Mark to jerk off, his hands would need to be cuffed in front. But it didn't make sense why Sophie would do that within the logic of the story.
"Finish on Mark's face" - I wouldn't say this is her trying to humiliate Mark (exactly). I mean, why are guys aroused by women with cum on their face? It goes back to Sophie's guy-on-guy kink; hence watching with a vibrator. Tho that's not to say Mark doesn't find it humiliating.
"He gave me a look and a shrug" - why does Rob keep going along with this? Probably guilt for what he did to Sophie.
"His eyes were closed" - that also helps
"the final humiliation of the evening" - oh Mark, if only you knew
"But that she was seeing me..." - he said the title of the story!
"when my shame-filled eyes met hers, she let out a climactic scream" - okay, so maybe it is a little bit about humiliating Mark; but for her own pleasure, not to hurt him
"Fatal" - intentionally provocative title
"Meaning BOTH of you." - I could have ended the story without this last section. But it didn't feel right for Mark to be the only person in the threesome to not orgasm. Maybe this was worse
"let's just get this over with." - to be fair, he could have just declined. Though, I guess no one actually told Rob about the safe words.
"His softening cock brushed against my hands .. he pulled his hips back" - weird thing to get uncomfortable about when he's about to grab another guy's dick
"mechanical indifference" - callback to chapter 9... somehow. Maybe the experience was so traumatic it rippled backwards through time to invade Mark's dream.
"Come on, baby ... cum for me" - I think she's sincerely trying to encourage him
"you want to be released, don't you?" - been a while since we've had a pun
"I was done. I'd had enough." - intentionally ambiguous/provocative. Since Sophie & Mark is published serially, readers at the time didn't necessarily know the next chapter was going to be a break, and I figured the reveal would be more impactful if people didn't know (for certain) it was coming.
This is also a very abrupt ending, without the usual "no hard feelings" scene. Meant to leave readers with a feeling of unease.
---
On a lighter note, I have another short series currently publishing - Alex & Becca
It has a similar tone to Sophie & Mark (outside of this chapter), but with a slightly different dynamic: they're both BDSM novices.
Lucky chapter 13. Where nothing bad happens. Strap in, kids, there's a lot to say about this one.
"Seeing" was one of the 'S' word ideas. Two possible interpretation - voyeurism (but of whom?) or the type of cucking where you watch your partner having sex with someone else. There's also the metaphorical sense of "seeing someone for who they really are" (that might be a bit of a stretch).
I always knew this story was going to be controversial. I'll go into WHY I decided to break up Sophie and Mark in the commentary for chapter 14. For now I'll just talk about why I did it in this specific way.
So here was the problem - it was always going to be a temporary break; the series is called "Sophie & Mark", after all. So I needed a plausible reason for them to break up, which could also be undone/resolved in a way that didn't feel cheap.
A threesome was already on the story idea list, and it felt like a natural fit as a relationship disruptor.
The original idea was that they have this threesome with Rob, then realise that maybe Mark enjoyed having sex with another man more that either of them expected. Framed this way, it's not so much a break up as, Mark needs to spend a little time exploring his sexuality - which Sophie suggests. Ultimately, Mark decides that while he may be a little queer, it's still Sophie he wants to be with. If you look back over the series, you'll see I was seeding the idea of Mark being bi all along.
But when I actually sat down and wrote this chapter, it didn't play out that way - it's hard to say that Mark came away from his first M/m experience with a desire to try more. I wanted to keep to the original plan, but in the end it felt like I was forcing it.
But there was a fallback plan - something else that's been bubbling below the surface of the series, right from the ending of chapter 1. I talked about it in the commentary to chapter 11, and Mark lays it out at the start of chapter 14 - all along, Sophie has been toeing the line of Mark's consent. It was inevitable that she would eventually cross that line.
I'll go into the rest later. The important thing is this ticks both the boxes - it's a legitimate relationship concern, and it's an issue that can be resolved with sincerity; and can even make the relationship stronger in the end. But in the meantime, I had to really hurt Mark.
In another thread I said I didn't 'enjoy' writing this chapter. By that, I partly mean I didn't enjoy blowing up Sophie and Mark's relationship. But also, since the story is written from first person pov, I had to get into Mark's negative headspace. Suffice to say, I much prefer writing the silly, romantic stories
"Wanna see some photos?" - I think of this like when a parent tries to embarrass their kid by showing old baby photos. It's all in good fun. The photos are a callback to chapters 4 and 5, and likely other photos were taken 'off screen' (Sophie would surely want a photos of cross-dressed Mark).
"I thought you'd want to see how I found him the other night" - Rob wasn't just using his phone for a torch in chapter 12 :O
"she had been a little upset about my self-bondage adventure" - a very early idea was Sophie feeling betrayed by Mark's self-bondage, leading to the break up. But that felt like a massive over-reaction, and not true to Sophie's character. I mean, why wouldn't she approve of Mark tying himself up? And if I had gone that way, there's really no way to resolve the issue beside "actually I've decided to forgive you".
"We'd already smashed through so many social barriers" - hand-waving. I didn't have the patience for slow-building up to the threesome over multiple chapters.
"Indecent" - the section titles are all partial titles of erotic thrillers: Indecent (Proposal), Wild (Things), Cruel (Intentions), (Body) Double, Fatal (Attraction)
"Bor-ring!" - there are some people who are normal and sweet when its just you and them, but when they get in front of (certain) other people, they start acting out, putting on a performance. It can be quite unsettling.
"I dare you... to kiss Rob" - when I was a teen, a girl who would later become my girlfriend dared me to kiss another guy (with tongue). And this was before she and I had even kissed! Funnily enough, the name of the guy I kissed was Mark. I wouldn't read anything into that
"Sophie was on the settee, Rob and I were on the floor" - it's over Mark, she has the high ground
"Wow... that was so hot!" - as established in chapter 5, Sophie is a fan of BL (male-on-male), so this was all just an excuse to satisfy her sick perversion (complimentary)
"If only I could come up with something juicy" - listen, writing is hard
"send [the photo] to me first" - I mean, let's not kid ourselves, she already has it. She's just winding Mark up.
"Alright, Soph" - Rob is being very familiar
"Truth." / "Oh, come on!" - did you really expect Sophie to play fair?
"have you ever... had a threesome?" - in the original draft, Sophie is the one that proposes the threesome ("there's something I always wanted to try"), and Mark and Rob agree because... reasons? It felt rather forced/lazy, to say the least. The game of Truth or Dare has a softer entry, and feels like it evolves more naturally.
"Robert, you cad! That's no way to talk to a lady." - there's a comic creator I like called John Allison. He writes (wholesome) stories with a very British sense of humour. I'd highly recommend the 'Giant Days' series (or any of his stuff really). Anyway, this is the sort of line one of his characters would say.
"like she was embarrassed to admit that she hadn't [had a threesome]" - ego's a dangerous thing
"Do you want to have one?" - who dares wins
"Sophie looked at me" / "I tilted my head" / "She sighed" - Sophie is looking at Mark as if to say "should we do this?". Mark doesn't understand, but Sophie (mis)reads his response as him saying "why not?"
"She left without waiting for our answer." - easier to walk away than face a possible rejection (and in her underwear, no less). If they hadn't followed her she could have played it off as a joke.
"Would I really feel okay sharing Sophie?" - cucking found its way on to the story ideas list early on. What I wasn't sure about was whether it would be something Mark was into. There was a part of me that wanted to be more sex-positive - after all, there are plenty of people who do enjoy such things. But ultimately I was working towards a particular ending (breakup). Perhaps, in another world, the three of them had a grand old time and formed a happy polycule instead.
"he slowly stood." - Rob's motivation for this is he's attracted to Sophie, and he's willing to 'tolerate' Mark since this is likely his only opportunity to sleep with her.
"He stayed there... waiting for me to respond" - he at least respects Mark enough not to try and go ahead without his approval/participation (such as it is).
"whether I was going to let him go alone" - it should hopefully be self-evident that, if Mark had decided not to go along, Sophie would not have had sex with Rob on his own.
"I gave Rob a nod." - lots of non-verbal communication going on. I'm sure that won't be a problem.
In the original draft, Mark was going to be cross-dressing - in his 'Caroline' persona from chapter 11 - to sort of make smooth over why Rob would be okay with having his dick sucked by Mark. But then I stole that idea for Brett & Darren. Anyway, the way the story plays out, having Mark do a full costume change would have felt incongruous.
"buckling the ankle strap of her black high heels... changed into her leather corset." - same outfit as chapter 8; very Domme-coded
"Maybe it was the way Sophie was looking at us; sizing us up. Comparing us?" - this is Mark's insecurity talking. Given his remarks about Rob's muscles, clearly Mark himself is comparing.
"Are you both happy to continue?" - this is what I was talking about in a prior commentary, Mark is given the opportunity to stop, there's nothing forcing him to continue. So why doesn't he say no?
* "I didn't want to be the killjoy" - peer pressure
* "We'd already come this far." - foot in the door
* "And she was looking so stunning." - horniness
* "Would it really be so bad?" - optimism
* "This could be one of those stories you tell" - rationalisation (FOMO?)
"Okay" - not what you'd call 'enthusiastic' consent
"Did this really all start with a game of Scrabble all those months ago" - chapter 3. I said in the last commentary I was only vaguely keeping track of the timeline. Chapter 1 takes place in the spring, chapter 11 also takes place late summer of the following year, so probably about 1.5-2 years for things to escalate to this point.
"Show Mark how it's done." - okay, let's talk about what Sophie is doing/why she's doing it. I think it would be dishonest to say she doesn't find Rob attractive, but she isn't attracted to him 'like that'. She has no desire to replace Mark. Her goal is to make Mark jealous, because jealousy is an intense (albeit toxic) form of desire. In that sense, she views Rob as just a 'prop' - not a person so much as a sex toy, no more meaningful than a dildo.
"She never took her eyes off me." / "I could feel myself growing" / "Good boy." - it's intentionally ambiguous, but she IS saying 'good boy' to Mark in response to him getting aroused. This was the 'desire' she was after.
"moving his mouth close to hers" / "Nuh-uh" - Sophie very intentionally won't allow Rob to kiss her (see also: Pretty Woman)
"She pulled a condom out" - the series hasn't mentioned condoms prior to this point, and Mark has referenced ejaculating inside of Sophie more than once. So we can assume that Sophie is on the pill. Making Rob wear a condom is symbolic distancing, similar to the no-kissing. (Also, possible STIs, I guess). As for why they even have condoms to hand, I dunno, maybe for when they want to ride the crimson tide.
"Mmm, so big ... Can't wait to have it inside me." - I read once that when people are lying, they tend to avoid saying 'I'. In any case, true to the section title, this is an incredibly cruel thing to say. I feel uncomfortable just reading it back.
"When she slid down onto his cock" - I chose the phrasing of this very carefully. Rob doesn't 'enter' or 'penetrate' Sophie. She is the one doing the action on him. Similarly, Mark described her as "fucking someone else" not 'being fucked by'
"Eyes on me, baby." - I said the thing about her doing it to make Mark jealous, but I'm not going to pretend like she doesn't take it too far.
"Her gaze stayed fixed on me" - again, she has no interest in Rob beyond him acting as a prop; this is all about Mark.
"I pulled at my cuffs, reopening old wounds." - from the self-bondage in chapter 12, the wounds were referenced earlier in this chapter
"Ooh, Rob... you've got really great abs." - I (the writer) might have gotten carried away. This is getting pretty nasty.
"Rob had been mostly still up to that point" - a problem I had with this story was keeping track of what everyone was doing. So at any given time one of the characters tends to fade into the background.
"Not so tough now, eh?" - The line itself is meant to be read as playful rather than malicious, but he clearly hasn't 'read the room'. I said in the commentary to chapter 2, BDSM is a game - the Domme only has power for as long as the sub agrees to play along. Rob doesn't respect Sophie's role as Domme enough to play the game, and has the strength to physically over-power her.
"'No,'Sophie commanded, 'bad boy!'" - I wanted to make it clear that Sophie is not in distress. The story isn't trying to frame this like a sexual assault, Sophie is just annoyed and trying (in vein) to reassert her dominance
"A deep, guttural roar, 'ET OFF ER!'" - he says "get off her" not "let her go". Mark's not (just) trying to rescue Sophie, he also wants Rob to stop fucking her. This is very much his emotions boiling over.
"Sophie took a pair of handcuffs ... wrenched his arms behind his back" - safer (for her) than having his hands cuffed in front
"I didn't need you to rescue me" - she means this sincerely, she really believed she could have 'rescued' herself.
But why was she upset with Mark? Well... did Rob stop when Sophie told him to stop, or when Mark told him to stop? To quote Game of Thrones, "power resides where men believe it resides". By trying to 'save' Sophie, Mark undermined her authority as Domme.
So now both Rob and Mark have challenged Sophie's power, and she has to put them in their place - ushering the arrival of 'Dark Sophie', the true sadist.
"Any upset she'd had for us had melted away" - I didn't want what follows to be motivated by anger. That would be quite unpleasant. She knows she now has complete power over both Mark and Rob, and she's going to enjoy it.
"Good boy." - in chapter 5 this was said affectionately, here it's condescending.
"kissing me with a competitive passion" - the jealousy cuts both ways
"..hand between my legs, grabbing Rob's cock... An image entered my mind" - did it enter your mind too?
"my mouth pulling to form an 'R'" - R for Red
"You really think I'd let anyone else fuck you like that before I do?" - I had some trouble with the phrasing of this; I'm still not entirely happy with it. She wants to be the one to take his ass-virginity is the point. Considering Mark already declined Sophie's attempt in Chapter 7, someone else claiming him first would feel especially 'hurtful' to Sophie.
"'Relieved' isn't the word, but it's the one that came to mind." - I think I stole this from Chuck Palahniuk. I forget which book, possibly 'Choke'.
"I could taste traces of Sophie on him" - how romantic
"why was it so arousing?" - as mentioned near the top, this was the original plan. The story would have ended with Rob cumming on Mark, then Mark orgasming and realising he'd been jerking himself off the whole time - causing Sophie and Mark to have an existential crisis over Mark's sexuality. Ultimately that felt a little weird/contrived for an ending.
Second issue, Mark's hands are cuffed behind his back to match Rob. For Mark to jerk off, his hands would need to be cuffed in front. But it didn't make sense why Sophie would do that within the logic of the story.
"Finish on Mark's face" - I wouldn't say this is her trying to humiliate Mark (exactly). I mean, why are guys aroused by women with cum on their face? It goes back to Sophie's guy-on-guy kink; hence watching with a vibrator. Tho that's not to say Mark doesn't find it humiliating.
"He gave me a look and a shrug" - why does Rob keep going along with this? Probably guilt for what he did to Sophie.
"His eyes were closed" - that also helps
"the final humiliation of the evening" - oh Mark, if only you knew
"But that she was seeing me..." - he said the title of the story!
"when my shame-filled eyes met hers, she let out a climactic scream" - okay, so maybe it is a little bit about humiliating Mark; but for her own pleasure, not to hurt him
"Fatal" - intentionally provocative title
"Meaning BOTH of you." - I could have ended the story without this last section. But it didn't feel right for Mark to be the only person in the threesome to not orgasm. Maybe this was worse
"let's just get this over with." - to be fair, he could have just declined. Though, I guess no one actually told Rob about the safe words.
"His softening cock brushed against my hands .. he pulled his hips back" - weird thing to get uncomfortable about when he's about to grab another guy's dick
"mechanical indifference" - callback to chapter 9... somehow. Maybe the experience was so traumatic it rippled backwards through time to invade Mark's dream.
"Come on, baby ... cum for me" - I think she's sincerely trying to encourage him
"you want to be released, don't you?" - been a while since we've had a pun
"I was done. I'd had enough." - intentionally ambiguous/provocative. Since Sophie & Mark is published serially, readers at the time didn't necessarily know the next chapter was going to be a break, and I figured the reveal would be more impactful if people didn't know (for certain) it was coming.
This is also a very abrupt ending, without the usual "no hard feelings" scene. Meant to leave readers with a feeling of unease.
---
On a lighter note, I have another short series currently publishing - Alex & Becca
It has a similar tone to Sophie & Mark (outside of this chapter
), but with a slightly different dynamic: they're both BDSM novices. #2
BoundStories Website Stories Feedback / Re: Central Coast by Kelsey Ta...
Last post by Bucky Goldstein - September 09, 2026, 02:21:02 PMSo happy to see that Kelsey is back with another story!
#3
Looking for a Story / Re: Enforced femake chastity s...
Last post by Caras pet - September 09, 2026, 01:45:24 PMThanks for the link
#4
Looking for a Story / Re: Enforced femake chastity s...
Last post by djleon - September 09, 2026, 01:30:45 PMThe link for nobodys coming
Assuming it's the right one.
https://utopiastories.com/code/show_story.asp/recid/69038.html
Assuming it's the right one.
https://utopiastories.com/code/show_story.asp/recid/69038.html
#5
Looking for a Story / Re: Enforced femake chastity s...
Last post by Dianag - September 09, 2026, 10:54:45 AMSorry, no. I've tried Utopia's site, BDSM Library & Deviant Art sites, but haven't been able to locate the story. Can't remember where or when I read it.
#6
Looking for a Story / Re: Enforced femake chastity s...
Last post by STa--Ger - September 09, 2026, 12:26:32 AMIt's probably that. I don't suppose you have a link...?
#7
Packaged Website Stories Feedback / Re: Scanned, Shipped, Printed ...
Last post by feline - September 08, 2026, 05:30:17 PMYay, I am famous as an editor!
Bugger, I am now famous as an editor! Must hide somewhere
A most excellent part of the story, highly recommended!
Bugger, I am now famous as an editor! Must hide somewhere
A most excellent part of the story, highly recommended!
#8
Packaged Website Stories Feedback / Re: Just Another Box by Grimm ...
Last post by feline - September 08, 2026, 05:29:03 PMFor anyone who doesn't want to look up a translator for the above, it got translated as:
>> Wow, how I want to see the continuation! One of the first works read on this site, but still one of my favorites!
for me. A sentiment I obviously completely agree with!
>> Wow, how I want to see the continuation! One of the first works read on this site, but still one of my favorites!
for me. A sentiment I obviously completely agree with!
#9
BoundStories Website Stories Feedback / Re: The Contortionist's Homeco...
Last post by feline - September 08, 2026, 05:27:02 PMI liked this, but not as much as I wanted to, or feel I should, and I am struggling to pin down why.
I really like the idea of the contortionist wife, having someone so flexible, so willing and submissive to tease and torment so is very appealing. They are a very loving couple, I like this. I am not sure about the submissive wife being called "cunt", but this is addressed, it works for them, it just feels disrespectful, but in a sense that is the very point of calling her this.
I want to love how loving and soppy they are towards each other, while being wicked, but somehow I don't. The soppiness is there, the love is there, but somehow, instead of feeling that it fits perfectly, it feels jarring with the wicked abuse that is being handed out.
All of the pieces that I want to enjoy are here, put together well, but somehow, personally, the whole doesn't quite jell.
Perhaps because I don't have an emotional sense of these two as people, since we were dropped into the middle of a very private moment? A good piece of writing, and I love how the farm has pivoted to human cattle, that actually left me wanting to know more about that aspect of things rather than what was actually happening right in front of me.
I really like the idea of the contortionist wife, having someone so flexible, so willing and submissive to tease and torment so is very appealing. They are a very loving couple, I like this. I am not sure about the submissive wife being called "cunt", but this is addressed, it works for them, it just feels disrespectful, but in a sense that is the very point of calling her this.
I want to love how loving and soppy they are towards each other, while being wicked, but somehow I don't. The soppiness is there, the love is there, but somehow, instead of feeling that it fits perfectly, it feels jarring with the wicked abuse that is being handed out.
All of the pieces that I want to enjoy are here, put together well, but somehow, personally, the whole doesn't quite jell.
Perhaps because I don't have an emotional sense of these two as people, since we were dropped into the middle of a very private moment? A good piece of writing, and I love how the farm has pivoted to human cattle, that actually left me wanting to know more about that aspect of things rather than what was actually happening right in front of me.
#10
Trashcan Stories / Re: My Trashcan Stories
Last post by Junkyard Society - September 07, 2026, 08:05:55 PMAn crowd was in the city streets under an festival. An crowd was in the city streets under an festival as many of the shops and stands gave away 1000 of round, shiny, printed and very thick balloons in many colors as popped balloon laid everywhere on the streets. An 18 year old boy and his 80 year old boyfriend they went into an street restroom with an round, white, shiny, printed and very thick and very large balloon from an shop. The kid with pulled down pants and an visible butt and an visible dick was sitting on the squealing, round, white, shiny, doodoo covered, doodoo stinky, pee covered, pee stinky, printed and very thick and very large balloon that laid in an toilet bowl for 5 minutes as the 80 year old man was rubbing the balloon and sucking the dick of the boy that 5 minutes later ejected a long string of semen out on the balloon as the man and the boy was then grabbing the squealing, round, white, shiny, semen covered, doodoo covered, doodoo stinky, pee covered, pee stinky, printed and very thick and very large balloon on an crowded street from the morning until noon non stop.
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